Fall Television MEHs

Here we go, y'all. It's day 4 of NaBloPoMo. ONLY day 4...

Among other things (like my sugar detox which means my morning coffee is not CRAP) I listed the few shows I've watched this fall season that I love over on EMPTY NEST. Here, I'm going to list the less than few that I've watched that did not strike a cord with me. Why? Because it's day 4 of NaBloPoMo and today's prompt is:

Which fall shows should be canceled already?

I hope sipping coffee without sugar isn't clouding my judgment this morning...Anyway--

1. THE REAL O'NEALS: I accidentally caught this ONE TIME and was not impressed. I find them unbelievable and am not a fan of the mom. Kind of like THE GOLDBERGS. Not a fan.It doesn't help that I am not a fan of the actors either. 
2. MACGYVER: I caught this on on purpose and did not make it through the entire episode. I remember the original series and this time, they are missing the mark.
3. SPEECHLESS: I really tried to give this one a shot but, after watching all of 2 episodes and part of a third, it's just not holding my attention. 
4. THE GOOD PLACE: I know. I really hate it but this one just hasn't grabbed my attention. I tried because I adore Kristen Bell and Ted Danson. Sad.
5. KEVIN CAN WAIT: Again, I just can't stick with it. And I really wanted to. All I can give it is background noise when I want something on just for the noise and not because I want to watch it. 

And that is it. I listed 5 new shows on EMPTY NEST that I have enjoyed although I'm still on the fence with a couple of them. 

There are a few shows that are not new this season but came back and keep coming back (TWO BROKE GIRLS- seriously, the blonde is stupid and the brunette delivers one-liners as if they are conversation; MOM- just, no; THE GOLDBERGS- idiotic mom character and that kid's voice gets on my LAST nerve...) and I'll never understand why these stay on the air and good ones get canceled. Is the viewing public really that stupid? Or is it ME? YIKES!

Thankfully, NETFLIX does pick up some shows I love and between NETFLIX and HULU I do get to watch reruns of my favorite canceled shows. 

Ok, what shows would you cancel from this viewing season?

School Funding

Misappropriation of funds. It's not a new concept. Especially within a school district. It happens and, when it does, the responsible parties take it out on the kids. There is nothing anyone can say that will change my mind about this. I've seen it happen again and again from the viewpoint of a parent of students to the viewpoint of teaching within the district. It's old and they have got to be stopped.

I can't speak for all the schools in our county but, at our school, positions were in danger due to the misspending of county funds. People were losing their jobs and the students were going to be affected in a way that is not conducive to learning. And yet, our stuperintendent (intentional spelling) can find the funds to purchase the tote in the picture for all certified teachers in the county. Our teachers were most unhappy about this. And no one is using their tote. I think most of them were thrown out.   

This is not the first time our school has had to seek funding outside the district for teaching positions. Which is ridiculous. It seems the first place the cuts get made are always, and I mean ALWAYS, at the level that directly affects the students in a negative way. Intervention, class size, special area classes...

I assure you that there are positions at the Taj Mahal CCSD district office that could be taken away without affecting the students one bit. There are numerous positions that were created in times of budget fatness but those times are gone. And those jobs need to be revisited. And done away with. 

Please don't start talking to me about people losing their jobs. That's the same thing that's happening in the schools. People are losing their jobs and the students are being hurt by it. The unnecessary jobs downtown? People would lose their jobs but the students would not be affected at all.

When these are my choices, I'm going with the choice that does not hurt the students. 

At our school, PTA has always stepped up to the plate. One example is the year my youngest daughter was entering 4th grade. Our classes were going to be HUGE, due to budget cuts, and having thirty, fourth graders in a small classroom is not going to make learning anything other than difficult. PTA stepped up and paid for a fourth-grade teacher. Class sizes went back to manageable and all was well. One thing our PTA has always had is a healthy bottom line at the end of the school year just in case of an emergency. You see, we know how the district works. And we were prepared.
   
The upcoming school year would have been the first time in the school's history that the PTA had dropped the ball should they not have raised the funds. When things got scary, the pres decided to pick on someone and try to get out of paying for that position. Not cool. She lost all her credibility. Luckily, the money was raised, the district 'found' a little money, and there will be a new PTA pres next year. No, I'm not on PTA and it's been many years since the last of my four daughters was in elementary school. But I have been there- as everything from a member to the president and I know that we have always had a buffer to begin the school year. Funny how things change.  

It's great that our PTA steps up to the plate. But what about schools that don't have such generous parents and a supportive community? Sometimes, I have to wonder, does the district feel free to throw a wrench in the middle of student learning because they expect PTAs to step up? And what happens to the Title 1 schools? Not cool CCSD.  

And I'm not even going to start on how badly the people in some positions were treated by the district. But it was, at the very least, unprofessional. Every time the district messes up financially, the schools pay the price. The fat cats downtown still have their jobs as do their helper monkeys. But I am thrilled that I made the decision in November to stay home and take care of my grandlove instead of going back to school. I can't stand the way people are treated when money becomes an issue. The backstabbing alone is enough to sicken you. 

Is it the same in your district?  

Uber Doober Do

The kids have using Uber for years and have liked it just fine. I'd never tried it until our trip to Nashville. Now, I'm a fan!

When in Nashville, TN- UBER is the way to get around. I'm one of those people who get quite nervous when driving in unfamiliar areas. When you couple that fear with a big city with more people than you thought could ever be in one place at one time, Uber is your friend. Your BESTIE.

Before Nashville, I was an Uber virgin. Now? I want to Uber everywhere. I mean it! It was a great experience. I've used taxi services before but I've found the drivers to be hell on wheels and not the most personable. Not to mention EXPENSIVE. Uber is different-

• The vehicles are much nicer than cabs. 
• The drivers are personable but not pushy. 
• If you want to talk, they will. If you don't, they won't bother you. 
• The cost is less than getting a taxi.

I do not care for driving around downtown Charleston either. Mount Pleasant (or Mount Plastic as it is beginning to be called because of all the fake, uber (no pun intended, but nice when it works out) rich folks moving in around here) and now that won't matter. When we have people visiting, I shall get an Uber to take us and deliver us home all without the stress of the traffic, the walking tourists who, apparently, have no idea how to cross a street, and finding a parking spot which takes longer than the time it takes to give your touristy friends a walking tour of the Battery, Rainbow Row, the Market, and grab lunch at Fleet Landing. 

Uber is also great for those folks who like to drink and are smart enough to NOT drive after imbibing. (Seriously, those of you who are not smart enough to NOT drive after drinking, get a brain.) Why in the world would anyone endanger the lives of others instead of taking an affordable alternate mode of transportation? It's beyond me. But, that's not really the point of this post. It's more of a soapbox. Ha!

Yes, we have bus service here. But, especially in this heat, I much prefer being dropped off in my driveway instead of half a mile or more from the neighborhood. Plus, the buses run on their schedule, not mine. And, they don't run at night. 

A couple of family members have told me there is a new service (newish here, anyway) called Lyft. I haven't tried them out and I really don't know whether I will or not. I mean, Uber is fine and, until it isn't, I'll just Uber when I don't care to drive in traffic or stress over parking. And, frankly, I love saying, 'Uber.' 

• I'm going to Uber down there. 
• I'm going to get an Uber. 
• Let's Uber-it! 
• Get an Uber!

What are your experiences with paid rides?

AirBnB vs VRBO

On a recent family trip to Nashville (which you can read about HERE and HERE) the family stayed at our first Airbnb and I learned a few things, not the least of which is, I am not comfortable staying in someone's home when they are away. It borders on creepy even though the house we rented was nice enough and quite clean. It was located in just the right spot and the neighborhood was lovely. But it was someone's home. It was weird.


Airbnb website
The site is quite user-friendly and provides you with plenty various options depending on where you want to stay and how much you prefer to pay. Registration is free and easy. Not a problem.

Airbnb hosts:
I don't know about all of them but our guy was fabulous! He was quick to respond and friendly. We even ended up texting and discovered that the sister-in-law of our daughter's boyfriend and our host attended college together and are still good friends! Small world, y'all! Super nice, super friendly. Daughter 1 stayed at a different Airbnb and assured me her host was fabulous as well. Not a problem.

Airbnb accommodations:
Our Airbnb was located in a quaint, safe, family neighborhood and was quite clean. No bedbugs, complete privacy, comfy beds. Even the neighbors were friendly. The location was perfect as it was less than one mile from our daughter's apartment and a 10-15 minute Uber ride to downtown. Not a problem.

Airbnb costs:
I found the cost to be much less expensive than a hotel and in line with prices on VRBO. Of course, there are some rentals that are quite expensive but these balance out since they are HUGE and everyone can split the cost which still brings it in under the usual cost of a hotel room.

Airbnb benefits:
Privacy. Whole house vs a room although you can rent rooms in someone's house. Regardless of whether you rent a house or a room, it is less expensive than hotels. You're not surrounded by strangers. The hosts are more personable than hotel employees.

Airbnb, the downside:
It's someone's home You are staying in their home while they stay somewhere else and I just find that uncomfortable.

Airbnb suggestions:
Look carefully at the pictures provided by the host. Had I been thinking, this would not have been the
right fit for us as my dad and stepmother went along and there were no hand rails on the front porch and the master bed was on the floor, not raised. The other two bedrooms were kids' rooms with a twin in one room and bunk beds in the other. The living room sofa was low to the floor which made getting up difficult for older people and anyone with bad knees. None of that was suitable for older folks, though we made do just fine Plus, did I mention that it was someone's home? A stranger's home. It was weird.

Final thoughts:
If you don't mind staying in the home of a stranger, then Airbnb might be for you. The cost is fair and it's easy to find places close to the area of the city you are visiting. I found the Airbnb to be clean as well. However, pay close attention to the pictures provided to you by the host.

If you're going to Nashville, here's the link to Jim's house if you'd like to give it a try.

Will I try Airbnb again? No. But this has nothing to do with our host or his home. It's all because I find it too creepy to stay in a stranger's home with their possessions all around. Next trip to Nashville, TN (or any other place) will find us in a rental house via VRBO. Hey, VRBO, if you're handing out deals for reviews, let me know! I'll be glad to work with y'all! :)

School Board Stupidity

The infinite stupidity of the school board in our county has struck once again. Is there no end? 

Let me start with the difference between certified teachers and classified employees. Certified teachers at our school have undergraduate degrees and a few have master's degrees as well. The story is the same for our classified employees- all have undergraduate degrees, some of us have master's degrees, and one is working on her Ph.D.--do you see the difference? Thaaat's right. The difference between certified teachers and classified employees is the certification. Of course, there is also the difference in pay (seriously, master's degree or not, a classified employee is lucky to bring home $1500/month) and responsibility but, in terms of education, that's it.  

You'd never know it, however, when you witness the difference in the way the two types of employees are treated.

If you are a classified employee and you do not feel like a mere peon, give it time. You will. No matter how much you do or how hard you work or how many times you go well beyond that extra mile they will, at some point, put you in your place. This antiquated treatment happens when you get further up the food chain. But not too far. 

What's the latest humiliation to be suffered by the lowly classified employee? They must punch a time clock.

Punch. A. Time. Clock.

Now, I realize that there are jobs in which people have to punch time clocks. But working as a classified employee in our school is not one of them. It is one more way for the powers-that-be to insult the worker bees they view as peons. Classified employees are the only ones who have to punch a clock.

Why? How would I know? Y'all don't think they'd actually tell us why do you? Because that doesn't usually happen. When they have people by the proverbial balls, they don't have to tell why, do they? Perhaps other schools are having trouble with some employees putting in an eight hour day? Perhaps someone on the board is getting kickbacks from the Kronos company? Perhaps someone's cousin's brother's girlfriend's sister works for the company? Maybe they decided to go paperless? Most likely it's a micromanagement issue. Who knows? 

I was a classified employee who holds a master's degree and two undergraduate degrees. I gave at least 110% every school day. I was on committees and offered computer club every Tuesday afternoon (my own idea which I gladly and enthusiastically offered for three years FOR NO PAY.) I added classes to my already filled days just to make sure students had access to coding classes as well as the special area classes they attended. I was in charge of MAP testing which required me to arrive early and leave late most days, run reports for the principal and all teachers (who could easily have done this for themselves.) If there was a technology problem, I was expected to sort it out even though we are told by the district to call the Help Desk in these situations. I won't even get into the extra duties that were asked of me, some of which were above my pay grade. I did not work less than 8 hours/day. I did, however, work more to the tune of nearly 40 hours/school year. And I NEVER asked for overtime pay. I did this for the kiddos and considered it voluntary.

I would not do that now if they made it a requirement. Because, when you force the peons to punch a time clock, you rob them of their joy and motivation.

I am not the only classified employee at our school who does more than his/her fair share. This is not about appreciation. Our AP has always made me feel appreciated. Always. I feel certain she has made others feel the same. That's not the point.

The point is, the Charleston County school board has got to stop humiliating people. Trying to make others feel less than they are is BS, I don't care who you think you are. This is not the way to inspire loyalty, productivity, or honesty in your employees. It is, however, a successful way to destroy those qualities. Who wants to work for someone who insults and humiliates their employees?

Our school is not a school of slackers. We work with 700 elementary students. There is no way we can slack even if we wanted to. If anything, the educators and staff at our school go above and beyond on a daily basis. What we have in return is a successful school filled with students who are eager to learn and educators enthusiastic about teaching. We do not do this for the money. We do it for the love of teaching children and our own love and appreciation of learning.

On the other hand, this latest degrading act by CCSD made it much easier to leave my job. Before the time clock issue arose, leaving was bittersweet. Not that I won't miss the students or enjoy taking care of my granddaughter but the time clock has taken a good bit of the sentimentality of leaving out of the mix.      
     
  

Sales People Suck

Ok, not ALL salespeople suck. But some of them certainly do. Some of them are so motivated by profit that they could care less about the customer. And, often, they insult those interested in buying a product that the desire for said product goes away speedy quick.

Like some used car salespeople. I've been in need of a car for over one year now and I've put it off for several reasons. One of the top reasons is the salespeople at the car lots. I'd rather look on Craigslist. But I'm not a fan of being murdered.

Then there are the people on a website where I entered some info in searching for a cleaning service. They baraged me day after day to choose their companies that I finally reached the point where I refused to repsond at all. I hadn't even recieved all the estimates before that crap started.

I was trying to decide about using a certain product- I had been mulling it over for months- and made the mistake of asking questions to someone who sells the product. When I decided to try a lesser version of the same product, said salesperson goes into all sorts of pushy and insulting tactics to get me to buy the more expensive package in an effort to pocket more money. It didn't work. I ended up going a completely different route.

I have, seriously, walked right out of a store. And, not without comment.

I much prefer shopping online just to avoid salespeople. Even the ones in the department stores. Some of those women (and I say women because I've only dealt with the female of the species in this situation) follow you around like you're about to steal them blind or to constantly shove their opinion on what you need down your throat. Others will ignore you even at the checkout.

Of course, there are exceptions. Like Lowe's. Where you couldn't find a salesperson to help you if you danced naked on top of the paint counter (which is located center front of our Lowe's).

Now, I understand that people in sales need to make a living. I totally understand that. What I resent are the rude, pushy, insult filled tactics that some of these people use. It is an instant turn off and I have never made a purchase from someone who makes use of these tactics.

The people I will buy a product from are nice people who, after offering their help, leave you to your own devices but are readily avaialbe should you have questions or need help. They may ask questions but only in an effort to discover what your particular preferences are as opposed to pushing a product they will make a high commission from or one they simply need to get rid of.

And so, the search for a car continues. I want a used one. And I'll be buying from the sales dude or dudette who respects me as a fellow human being.

Perhaps I should send out a survey of salespeople first. Ha!

Do salespeople bother you?

X-ACTO Words

The way we choose to use our words makes a difference every time we speak. Words are one of the most powerful tools we humans possess. We can, with one simple utterance, lift someone up, tear them a new a$$ hole or crush their spirit.

Sometimes, we do can do two (or all three) of these things within seconds of one or the other leaving the recipient of our tongue lashing confused, hurt, down and maybe even questioning their own self worth. Imagine that. Uttering a word that makes a fellow human being question their value as a human being.

Let's face it, when we tear down and lift up in nearly the same breath, it's the demeanng part that others remember. That's the part tha make the biggest difference. That's the part that destroys.

And we know it.

And we do it anyway.

Words can cut with the quick accuracy of an X-acto knife into our hearts and minds. Sometimes even making a slow, deliberate cut deep into our souls.

Have you ever stood in a checkout line and heard someone cut the cashier for something so trivial that making the scene is worse than the infraction? Have you done it yourself?

Once those X-acto words are out there, the first domino has been pushed and, quite possibly, the rest of the reciever's day will be spent feeling so bad tha they may be inclined to share this sad/bad feelng with everyone with whom they cross paths.

When we choose to use words that cut with the precision of an X-acto knife, we affect many more than one person. We may start the process with only one person but, by the time the day is over, we've actually caused hundred to be affected.

Yes, we may be having a bad day or we may have just been cut by someone else and find ourselves sharing that pain. The reason, whatever it may be, is unimportant. The fact that we do it is mean no matter what the motivation. Mean. Hateful. Callous.

I find it particularly cold-hearted when words are used that cut children. When I see this happen, I bring out my own X-acto knife on some jerk adult who knows better. I know, I know. But I will seriously go off on someone who does this to a child.

Ok, let's hear it. What are your stories about words?

This is day 23 (and 24) of the A-Z Challenge!

A-Z Challenge: Authentic People

How many authentic people do you really know? And, how devastated are you when you discover someone isn't authentic at all?

It's a real eye opener for me. And a huge disappointment.

Of course, as with most things in life, this disappointment could be in my own naivety. Or gullibility. Either way, it is disappointing. Even at my age. Which is old. Unless you're older, then I guess I'm not THAT old.

But I am old enough to know better, to use better judgement when determining the authenticity of others. Sometimes, though, we might not discover that someone we've known for YEARS is not an authentic person until one day, during a conversation with the right person at the right time. Or merely from observation.

So, what determines whether or not a person is authentic? Here's what I think:

Authentic People:

1. Tell the truth. They are not going to say something because it's what's expected or because it's what someone wants to hear. They are going to be truthful regardless. They are open and possess integrity. They have nothing to hide.

2. Do not pretend. You know who they are because they are who they are regardless of where they are with whom they are spending their time. They can't help it. They have to be themselves. And they cannot be swayed.

3. Are responsible. For their lives, their actions, for everything they say and do. And they do not try to turn anything around on someone else. They step up.

4. Do not need approval or validation. Authentic people don't really care what others think about them. They are comfortable with themselves and they like themselves. They don't need someone else to make them feel this way.

5. Are not envious of others. Instead, an authentic person is happy for the success of others. You will probably even see them being a motivating force behind the success of others.

6. Do not judge. Authentic people tend towards being nonjudgmental. However, being human makes being totally nonjudgmental difficult. When an authentic person falls into this trap, they seem to do so in a more positive manner. They treat others with respect and compassion regardless of whether or not they agree or disagree with them.

7. Listen. They care enough about others to take the time to truly listen to what they have to say. They make real connections with others.

8. Fail. Yep, authentic people fail. But they learn from it instead of getting frustrated and quit. They know how to regroup, reevaluate and try again. Or, if a brand new route is called for, they take it willingly and with enthusiasm.

9. Do not sit still. Not that they don't rest but they don't just sit idly and let life pass them by. They go out and embrace their surroundings. They do things. They have fun. They enjoy life.

10. Have no hidden agenda. They do things for others without expectation of return but, rather, because they are nice, caring people. There is no hidden agenda with authentic folks.

That's my top ten characteristics of authentic people. Am I authentic? In some ways, but I certainly have a lot of work to do. After some recent discoveries of a few people I know, what I've decided is that it's time for some self-reflection.

I can't make others be authentic. But I can work on myself.

Are you authentic?

This is Day 1 of the A-Z Challenge!

Mate Poaching- They Needed a Study for That?

Really? Because I could have told them the very things they found out from the study and would not have charged them nearly as much as it probably cost them to conduct the actual study. Seriously.

To be honest, I've always thought that, should it be possible for someone to 'poach' your mate, it will, most likely, be even easier for the next 'poacher' to be successful. A person's openness to 'poaching' is not going to change. It's not rocket science and it doesn't require a study. Just a little observation into human nature.

It's not surprising that the studies found that poached partners are less devoted to the relationship. Why? Because they don't have to be. They are just squatting for a bit waiting for the next poacher to come by and state their case as to why they would be the better partner.

It is also not surprising that they found poached partners are self centered, more likely to cheat and consider sex as a physical act rather than one of intimacy.

Now, I'm not sure about the findings of the third study that poached partners are not as nice and more irresponsible. The few I have known are quite nice and very responsible. Just not in personal relationships.

And, just to cover the other side, those doing the poaching are not that trust worthy either. They seem to become restless and go on the prowl as soon as the thrill of the catch is over.

When did it become necessary to pay big bucks to study a topic that should be considered common sense?

Y'all can read about it at The Open Mind.

You're Not THAT Fat

Reddit. Have y'all been over there? I've recently started reading/watching a few posts. Most of them are stupid. Some are interesting. Others are so ridiculous that the people writing/videoing should be put away. Then there are the posts that are truly hilarious and even some that are thought provoking. In other words, it's pretty much like any other place on the internet.

I read one entitled: I really don't need to hear your opinion on my body weight. Or anyone else's body weight. 

The writer gives us several scenarios in which she (he?) is exposed to comments regarding their weight/body image such as: "Yeah, but your weight looks really good on you." "You must eat a lot of sweets." and "Yeah, but you're not fat like her."

Ok. So, this person seems to have friends and come into contact with others who are of the opinion that he/she is carrying more weight than is socially acceptable. And they feel the need to comment. I believe that a couple of those are what we commonly refer to as, back-handed compliments. Or a CYA statement (CYA = cover your ass after you've said something really stupid and insensitive).

The whole post, short though it was, was simply pointing out that insensitivity is rampant and stupid. That it can hurt the feelings of our fellow human beings and that our opinions about such things as body image can be damaging. Which was totally wasted on a few of the commentators who responded with statements such as: "Get used to it. If being fat bothers you, eat less and move more." and "Are you happy being fat?"

Way to miss the point entirely, idiots. Thaaaat's right. I just made a comment in regards to your (referring to those making the negative comments) lacking intellectual capacity. How does it feel?

Frankly, it doesn't really matter why the comments of personal opinion about the appearance of others flies, it simply is not nice. Maybe those people we laugh at in the 'Seen at Wal-Mart' pictures just lost everything in a fire and this was all they were given to wear. Maybe the people who are overweight have deep emotional scars or medical issues that have resulted in an unhealthy relationship with food which is made worse by nasty comments. Maybe it's something as simple as a difference of taste in clothing or make up or whatever.

I love to 'people watch.' It's fun. I will watch and make up stories about their lives but I always try to make it nice and my stories are never uttered within hearing range of anyone. It's an 'inside-my-head' game. I realize that there are people who will don totally inappropriate clothing before heading out the door. I mean, if they're wearing something that should be worn while dancing around a pole in a dark, smokey establishment but are on their way to the opera...well...I don't think that the attitude 'they're asking for comments' is the way to go here.

We've all got our problems. There's no need to add to them with negative comments. What purpose do these negative word serve? None. And, in my opinion, their utterances is a form of bullying. AND, I don't like it.

Maybe some folks are looking for attention. Any attention. But mostly, we simply are who we are and make the choices we make because that's what we know or have...And we should be able to be without ridicule.

Ok, y'all- time to grind YOUR grits.

Justice Fighter

I do enjoy living in my state. I don't love everything about it- the way-too-freaking-hot-summers-that-do-not-end-until-November--but, for the most part, I love it.

We have some of the nicest people you'll ever meet. We have beaches and mountains and all levels in between. We have good schools and a history that keeps you interested for life. We have motivated children and compassionate people. Hell, we're Lake Wobegon.

But, as with everything in life, we have our not-so-good too. And that's always the part that seems to get the most attention.

Recently, there was an incident close by that resulted in the resignation of a local power. While I am neither pro nor con of this person's time in their position, I will say that I am totally against what I believe happened that led to this decision.

I THINK that there was an action taken by some high school athletes that certainly, and very easily, could be construed as racial in act and, perhaps, intent. I THINK this was investigated by this local power and action was taken. I THINK that the REAL POWERS that be in our area- those with BIG MONEY- took offense and stepped in forcing said local power to resign.

That's what I THINK.

And it's not hard to come to this conclusion based on what I've read and what I know about this state after living here for nearly 50 years.

What else can you think when you know things like this happen but rarely have the opportunity to hear it because someone finally had the balls to record it?

Yep, that's the GOOD OL BOY sentiment that plagues our state. The fact that Graham tries to blow this off as a 'joke' is both disgusting and disturbing to me. And, the most shocking thing of all is that there are people who are shocked by his statement. Really? Have y'all not been paying attention? Are we still turning that blind eye and deaf ear to the GOOD OL BOY mentality?

The 'joke' was not funny. It was in poor taste. What comes out of your mouth, generally originates in your heart. No matter how you put it out there. When you have money- and I mean BIG money- in this state, you can do whatever the hell you want to do and say whatever the hell you want to say and not only get away with it but you can also get elected to congress. Repeatedly.

Graham was at a meeting of the Hibernian Society. An all white (if they aren't, I'd like to see proof), male, private club. Shame on the lot of them for laughing. This is the type of place where feminism is kept at bay. Where racism thrives. Where reactions to beaten women and abused children and gay bashing include laughter and the banging of glasses on the tables. Where religious differences are not tolerated. Where they are determined to maintain control and use their money to ensure it. They just don't wear the sheets.

Let me assure you that hiding behind closed doors is just as bad as wearing the sheets.

The athletes who participated in the ritual claimed they had no idea the ritual was racial in intent or was in any way racially insensitive. Really? Have they not read a history book? Have they not lived here and listened to people talk? Have they never heard of social or cultural stereotypes? I think they have. Their high school boasts the best and the brightest. AND, why didn't they choose pumpkins instead of watermelons?

And, apparently, they have money on their side.

So, in my mind, that local power who was forced to resign, who took it all on as her own decision, was a victim herself of trying to right a wrong. The money didn't agree with her. And now, she's gone.

One more Justice Fighter down.

Aging Is Not For Sissies

Does the whole aging thing belong on a blog designed for expressing personal opinion? Well, I certainly have a personal opinion about aging so, yes. And my opinion is that aging just isn't for sissies.

You know that Billy Joel song, "Only the Good Die Young?" Yeah, the real meaning of that song is that sissies can't handle aging so they die young. Has nothing at all to do with sinners vs good girls.

Not that everything about aging is bad. It isn't. It's great to awaken and know that you get another day. It's way better than the alternative which is not getting another day or having to spend it debilitated in some way. It's the best that you no longer give a hoot what anyone thinks of you and you feel free to speak as you please. I love that there is such a thing as hair color to cover the gray and that it comes in a chemical free option. I love that you can use the again process as an excuse when you lose or forget something. That also works to your advantage when you don't really forget but want to have fun with other people's sanity.

But the little things that begin to happen that let you know, in no uncertain terms, that you are, indeed, aging, tend to get to me.

Things like holding my back as I stand up. Preferring to be close to a bathroom no matter where you go. Sitting on the floor and wondering how in the hell I am going to get back up. Aching feet. Painful knees. Sore joints. Intolerance to extreme heat or cold. Getting slower in my walking pace. Less than perfect eyesight. Not being able to hear when people talk faster than the speed of light or when the environmental sounds are too loud. Beginning to get concerned if you realize that a few things seem to have come full circle. Those kinds of things.

These things don't make getting up every morning easy but we must unless we want this process to take us over earlier than necessary. An older family member once said, "If you sit down, you'll get rusty." I believe her. She lived to be 103. And she didn't do much sitting until just before her passing. If anything ever bothered her, physically, we never knew it.

One of the best things that keeps me moving is my sweet pup, Tucker. We're up every morning before the sun so we can get out and walk. If I don't want to get up get moving, too bad. Because he is in my face licking me until I do get up. The other is having somewhere to be every morning. Do I like having to go to work? Nope. Do I love my job? Yep. And, it gets me up and moving.

Even though it gets a bit more telling with each passing year that I am, indeed, aging, having something to do or somewhere to go makes it easier to get up and move even with the aches and pains that come with the process.

While I do notice that the aches and pains either get a bit more intense or a different altogether creeps up, I also know that I am not a sissy. Because I'm still getting up and moving. And yes, it may even be a bit of doing so in defiance of aging. But that's fine. Whatever keeps me going until I'm 103.

What gets y'all up and moving every day? Or am I the only one with these little signs?

Relationship Deal Breakers

I'm guessing that most folks have their own list of relationship deal breakers. I know I do. Are any of these on your list?

1. Drinking. Well, not just drinking but being drunk. A lot. Being a drunk. An alcoholic. I've dealt with this issue for over 25 years. It's amazing how we think, at first, that we can make a difference. That we are the chosen one for making that difference with this particular person. We spend years trying to hide the problem from our children and other people that surround our family while trying to help the person overcome his problem with booze. But the kids grow up and those who surround your family see more than you think and the person with the problem just isn't going to change or even try until THEY THEMSELVES are ready.

2. Not putting family first. And, by family, I mean the family that one makes with his wife and children (or her husband and children-or wife/wife or husband/husband, whatever). In my mind, the family you make with your significant other is THE relationship on which you place your focus, your energy, your time, your everything. When all of your attention is put on the birth family instead, however, and the family you make with another human being is always on hold while you do this, THAT is a deal breaker. If your family needs that much attention, you have no business taking on a significant other.



3. Pack-ratting. This is particularly considered a deal breaker when the house you live in contains less than 1500 square feet and the junk being pack-ratted spews out into the side and back yards. Not cool. Deal breaker. Throw that @#$% away and stop holding onto junk. Especially if the main reason you're holding onto it is just so that you can, when someone states they are looking for something, be the one to say, "I have one!" And then proceed to CHARGE them for the item. That's just wrong. Give it to them.

4.Poor hygiene. Do I really need to go into detail about this one? Seriously, brush your teeth and take a shower. Daily.

5. Arrogance/entitlement, Honestly, walking around with the attitude that the world owes us something is just stupid. The world revolves around no person. Not a single one. Trying to have a relationship with someone who feels the world does, indeed, revolve around them is fruitless. You can't make them understand. And, if you don't believe the world revolves around them, they will make your life quite unpleasant. Like it isn't already just from having a relationship with them.

6. Making assumptions about your significant other without ever trying to know who they truly are. Yeah, that's just not nice in any relationship. Those who truly care, get to know their significant other. It's not difficult. It just means paying attention. Be a student of the people around you. Show them you care. Funny how these people get angry with you when you don't know something about them even though they've never taken the time to get to know the real you.

7. Not following up your talk with action. When you say you're going to do something, DO it. Or, at the very least, explain to people why you can't do it. Even better, don't say it until you're sure you CAN do it. Otherwise, you'll be known as a promise breaker. And that means trust has been tampered with. When you tamper with trust, you've really done it. Integrity still means something. Even though it's not seen often these days.

8. Having pity parties. No one is ever invited to these parties but they sure are exposed to them. The whining that goes on is intolerable. The world is out to get them. These things only happen to them. Riiight. Delusional idiot.

9. Spouting your opinion and disrespecting the opinions of your significant other. NOT cool. Everyone has an opinion about everything. If you think that everyone who doesn't agree with you is an idiot, then you will soon be out of friends and a significant other.

10. Abuse OF ANY KIND. Be it physical, emotional, verbal, intellectual, mental- whatever- ABUSE IS UNACCEPTABLE.

Those are my top ten relationship deal breakers. What's on your list?

Doctor, Doctor

Let ME give YOU the news.

I don't trust you. I don't want a pill thrown at me for anything. I see how you sit there leaning to one side because your wallet is so fat you sit lopsided. And I know who's putting the fat in that wallet. And I don't like that either.

I don't like the way you sit there with the look of judgement on your face. Fake concern doesn't cut it. If you do not possess true, real, compassionate feelings for your patients, why are you a doctor? Perhaps you should consider research. Although, pharmaceutical company supported research is still fattening up your wallet in an effort to make people just well enough but not cured, so...

I realize that this does not apply to ALL doctors everywhere. But it certainly seems to apply to most doctors around here. I base this on personal experience and stories from friends. The doctors in our area seem to cater to those patients who do not ask for second opinions. Those who accept everything the doctors tell them without question or hesitation.

That is not the type of patient I am. Nor do I want to be that type of patient.

And all that waiting in the waiting room? Doctors tell us, "Some cases take longer than others and, if you was you who needed more time, you'd want me to spend it with you." That is a stupid statement spewing from the mouth of Dr. Obvious. Trust me, Dr. Obvious, it's not that we mind your willingness to spend that extra time with another patient or that emergency that comes up. I, personally, do not even mind if your family needed something because they should come first and I'm certain they respect your occupation and would not be contacting you if it wasn't necessary.

The problem with the waiting is your office staff. They are rude and tell us nothing. The last doctor I visited had a sign in the waiting room: If you have been waiting longer than 20 minutes, please let us know. Apparently the rest of the sign--SO WE CAN SHOW YOU HOW MUCH WE REALLY DO NOT CARE--had been cut off because giving these women the information they asked you to give them is a HUGE mistake. I discovered this as they reamed an older person a new butt-hole for POLITELY mentioning they had been waiting for over an hour. Perhaps it was because she did not go up to the desk at the 20 minute 1 second mark or perhaps the office staff was not interested in knowing how long any of us had been waiting. The sign was, shall we say, false advertising? They were trying to make us feel that they care about how we feel and how long we're waiting. Maybe that they are using this to make the scheduling more efficient. But I doubt that.

NEVER do we get a general statement informing us that an emergency has happened. NEVER do we get any statement informing us that the doctor is running x number of minutes or hours behind followed by giving us the option of rescheduling. Of course, that could be partially due to the fact that they now take your money PRIOR to your turn.

I confess that I do not know the reasons for these procedures. What I do know is that I do not appreciate nor respect the current policies. I do not find them patient friendly. My first thought was that this is ridiculous because it's our money that pays all their salaries. But now I think that we just pay for a few little things like staples and pencils. Most of their money seems to be coming from their support of pharmaceuticals.

This is a huge trust issue with me. And the trust is no longer there.

Do you have one you can trust? And, are you healed? Or are they keeping you coming back time after time after time?

What a Spoiled Brat

Some of you may remember that we have new neighbors across the street. The five college girls? In our quiet, family neighborhood? Yeah, those.

I'll give them credit for not parking in front of my house since I exploded in their faces a while back. And I'll also give them credit because they do provide entertainment. 

Last week, we heard something that resembled arguing and, thinking it was the drunks that live on one side of us, stepped out the front door for the show. It wasn't the drunks. 

One of those college girls was sitting on the front porch steps across the street YELLING at her mother through the phone. We heard, "MOM! YOU HAVE TO SEND ME MONEY! I DON'T HAVE ANY EFFING CLOTHES TO WEAR! SEND ME SOME MONEY!" 

DEMANDING this. To her MOTHER. And, if I were to judge by the cars those girls drive- brand new and very expensive-  coupled with the way they dress and act, I'd say she'll get that money even though she was a total spoiled bitch about it. 

Wow. I wish I could say this was a first for me but it was not. I know someone with a kid like that. Yep, They exist. They are HORRID CREATURES. And they are enabled by their parents. 

Parents of these kids fuel that fire by giving these brats whatever they DEMAND. These demon kids are consistent in their demands and in berating their parents. These kids are rude, disrespectful and thing that the world owes them. They drive big, expensive cars and wear all the latest fashions--their closets are overflowing with clothes that they wear one time and discard. They have the latest technology and, while in college, have parent supported apartments/houses that are fully furnished with new furniture/accessories also funded by said parents. These kids don't have a worry in the world. They also don't have a clue. They want for nothing. Except more. And more. It's never enough for these 

On top of being demanding they are ungrateful and they pit their idiot parents against one another. Why do I refer to the parents as idiots? Because they not only allow this behavior, they support it. Perhaps they are holding out hope that their spawn of Satan will change. Right. Keep hoping. But children learn and do what they are taught. And, if these parents haven't nipped it by now, it may very well never get nipped. 

I will say that these girls make for some entertainment. It's amusing and sad and disgusting all rolled up together. I wonder if filming an episode and showing it to them would make a difference? I bet the video would get tons of hits on YouTube. Or Facebook. Ha!

Oh and, to my sweet neighbor who said she heard they were part of a church group here in town so we should give them a chance, let me just say- I believe you might have been misinformed. 

Time to weigh in, y'all! Let's hear it---- 

Abusers Piss Me Off

Check out this video:

Even though I have too much a lot to say about everything an issue or two, I am, to a degree, a pacifist. I just have a hard time believing that violence breeds anything other than violence. I am one of those who believes we can still reason with others. Naive though that train of thought may be, it's where I stand in most situations.

However, when I see something like this (or child abuse or animal abuse), it not only saddens me, I can also become rather angry. There is NO EXCUSE for this type of behavior. NONE. ZIP. ZERO. NADA.

And no one can convince me otherwise.

When I watched the video, I found it difficult to take even though I knew it was a social experiment film. I don't like to see anyone beating on or verbally abusing another person--said the avid football fan.

Were y'all surprised by the results of the experiment? I wasn't. Why? Stereotypes.

In general, we believe that a man should not hit a woman. Every single person I know who has sons has taught them from the time they were little tiny tots that they are NOT to hit a woman, no matter what. So, when people jumped in to stop the man from hitting the woman, it was just the right thing to do according to our social mores.

So, why didn't they stop the woman from hitting the man?

I think the reasons were that people who see a woman carrying on like that think that she's crazy and will most likely go off on them too OR that the guy did something to deserve that treatment OR he's a wimp who can't even defend himself against a woman.

Y'all know how we're always complaining about those blasted double standards? Well, this is one and it's on the other foot.

If the person being abused cannot or will not stand up for themselves due to fear or embarrassment or whatever reason, we have to stand up for them.

It matters not who is abusing whom- stand up and say something. Period.

Stupid Asses

When, exactly, did it become the norm to rush out and publish something someone hears as truth right away without investigating? Shouldn't we know for sure, have the FACTS BEFORE making it public?

It's like every type of news media- television, newspaper, magazine, online. offline, wherever, whatever has now become a National Enquirer of sorts.

Is investigative reporter even a real career choice these days? I hear of it the on the news but I don't believe they are used for every piece of information that surfaces.

I believe it's pop culture. People, in general, are more interested in pop culture than they are in REAL, serious, LIFE CHANGING news. 

Let us consider the issue of Stephen Collins' alleged molestation. The next thing you know, we're hearing what certain celebs have to say on the issue and what friends of the wife have to say and how his novels fueled the alleged victim to speak up. 

Whatever.

Who knows how much of this is true AT THIS TIME? How much of this has been investigated? WHY in this whole wide world, is THIS important news worthy of our time and attention?

You know what I'm more concerned about? I am way more concerned about the convicted molester that moved into a neighborhood close to ours. I just do not understand why it's so much worse and why more importance is placed on this issue when a celeb of sorts is involved. 

You know what's sad? That this stuff isn't worthy of overload until a celeb or semi-celeb is involved. 

Why isn't it of the utmost importance when it happens on the peon level? 

Come on, people. Pull it together. Surely the high emphasis isn't related to the ROLE of MINISTER he played on television. He's not a minister in real life. Though there have been real life men of the cloth guilty of these types of offenses. But even those stories get a minute on the news and then pushed onto the back burner. But let a celeb be accused and BAM! Front page news that spawns baby stories and judgement and it stays in the forefront for weeks. 

This is just one example. This type of media reporting takes place all the time these days. Even GMA has put emphasis on a segment they call, POP NEWS. They fuel the fire of BS news because this is where the interest of the general public lies.

Which tells me that the general public truly is- STUPID.

Please know that I am not defending Collins- he's simply my example. I am bashing the media. Again.

What do y'all think?

Losing Your Innocence

I saw this post on Facebook the other day that said, "Google your name followed by, "is a" and, because curiosity often gets the best of me, I did it.

I got, "Pam is a dark winter." And this, of course, led me to do some thinking. Surface at first and then deeper. I think that just about sums me up.

Now, I like a dark winter. I like the coziness of a fire and blankets and all things flannel and cuddly snuggles and snow storms--the kind that do not cause damage to people's selves and homes---and the early night fall...

But, I thought, a dark winter is not that great to most people I know. To these people, dark winter carries negative connotations. Even I can see that side when I look deep inside. It can, if I'm not careful, remind me of lost innocence.

When I think of losing my innocence, I remember first relating it to the moments, and there have been many, when I realized my parents were not being completely honest. And it was devastating.

In my mind, my parents were amazing in every way. They were smarter than any other parents anywhere. They were my safety net. They always told the truth. They would always be there. Blahblahblah.

I suppose we all felt that way about our parents. There's nothing wrong with it. Until you realize that they are mere humans. It took me forever and a day to get over it once the realization hit me.

I am one of those people who is too trusting. Or, I used to be. I've been betrayed by nearly every single person in my life. With the exception of one college friend, who remains dear to me to this very day, my grandparents and my lovely daughters. Every single other person whom I let in, just close enough, betrayed me in some way.

Some of this betrayal may seem nothing more than a betrayal from a child's perspective. But, that's where it begins for some of us. It can begin as something so simple as telling someone that Santa is 'not real' and go move from there to using our innocence against us in making us do things we don't want to do but do anyway because we want to be loved and accepted.

The things that I allowed people to use me for make a fairly long list. And yes, even as a child, it was I who allowed them to use and betray me. And yet, I was foolish enough to believe that out there in the world, somewhere, surely, there were people who would love and accept me without expectation of some form of payment.

I have to say, to this very day, there are people in my life still using and betraying me. To. This. Day. So it's no wonder that I have trust issues. And that I keep everyone at arm's length.

I can tell you vivid stories of betrayals from the time I was in elementary school until recent times. I won't. I'll spare y'all the details.

I am not looking for sympathy. If there's one thing I can't stand it's being pitied. I hate that. I don't pity myself, why would I want it from others?

No, I am quite aware of the people who surround me in my personal life. They have at some point, and some continue to do it, betrayed me. I believe, for the most part I have forgiven but forgotten? Never. Let them closer? Not going to happen. I remember. I remember clearly. And I've shut them off from that part of me that they can hurt. That won't happen again.

But there are good things, good people, in my life. Things that I am astutely aware of especially during a dark winter. Some of my best memories are of dark winters. That's probably why I love winter so. And I'm almost certain that my adoration of autumn is partly due to the fact that it prepares me for those dark winters.

So, yeah. I Googled my name followed by, "is a" and I got 'dark winter'. And that is who I am. What I am. And I'm quite good with that.

Are you going to Google your name followed by, "is a"?

Body Cameras to Keep Us Honest

One very early morning last week, I heard on the news that some places are considering body cameras on police. We already have dashcams in their cars. And then we have the public who are usually armed with cell phone video capabilities. I'm pretty much thinking that this is NOT a bad thing.

It seems to me that, today, a person's word does not carry the meaning it once did. Do y'all remember a time when someone's word, perhaps coupled with a handshake, was like making a promise? That when someone gave you their word (handshake included or not) you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would follow through? That their words were truthful? Honest?

I do. And I have known people like that. My granddaddy was like that. My dad is like that. My oldest brother is like that. I have a best friend from college who is like that. The lovelies are pretty much like that though a couple of them tend to forget things. There are some folks at school who are like that. But, when all is said and done, I don't really know more than 20 or so people who are good at their word.

Police used to be authorities that we could look to for help. I know there have always been 'dirty cops' but, when looking at the big picture, the majority of them were not. I'd like to think that is still the case. But I'm not so sure.

I don't think there are as many honest, forthright folks out there in any walk of life as there once was. And I find that sad. It seems we're all too concerned with saving face than being honest. We've gotten in the habit of finger pointing instead of fessing up. It's always someone fault other than ours.

Perhaps if people cannot be honest all on their own, body cameras, et al, will bring us back to it. I'm always holding out hope.

What do y'all think?

Are Parents Ruining Everything? Part 2

And now we come to the sports part of the topic. And I am here to tell y'all that, YES, parents are ruining sports for their kids. Period.

Birdie was our athlete while she was growing up. She played soccer for 8 years. We were exposed to every level from the beginning rec to the top elite and let me tell you, the higher you went the worse the parents were. It was sickening. But it was even worse with the boys' teams. By the time some friends' sons reached the high school level, I witnessed some of the rudest, dumbest, most violent behavior ON THE PART OF THE PARENTS than I had ever seen in my life. Holy crap on a cracker.

I saw parents punch coaches. I saw parents cuss out one another and come to blows right on the field in front of God and everybody because of two kids having a scuffle on the field. The adult embarrassment occurred AFTER the boys had shaken hands and moved on. One of Birdie's coaches didn't like the way a game was going so he walked away from the game, sat on a log and pouted. Like a two year old.

What a bunch of morons.

My friends proceeded to tell me that I hadn't seen anything. And then, they told me stories. I won't share these stories because I'm sure there are some of you out there who have witnessed similar, if not worse, scenes.

Some of y'all might have heard me talk about my competitive spirit. Yes, I've got one. And it's rather large. But it's FAIR and HONEST. I never want to win by cheating. I like honest, fair play winning. These parents don't. They want their kid to stand out and be the best of the best. The cream of the crop. But, the only thing standing out is the apparent idiocy of their parents.

The author of the article I read on The Boston Globe's site writes: "I can say unequivocally that adult expectations are the number one problem." I concur. 

I've witnessed it firsthand and I've heard the stories. And I believe, without a doubt, that it is the parents who are ruining sports for their kids.

Ok, sound off! Let's hear what y'all are thinking on this one.