I Was A SAHM

Yep. And that was before it was all bloggy to do so.

Did I enjoy being a SAHM? Absolutely. Would I do it all over again? Yes indeed. Would I do anything differently? Yep. Sure would. I would have figured out a way to earn some bucks.

That is one reason I am so glad to see so many SAHM's (and a few dads too) blogging these days. Good for them! Make that money ladies (and gents) and sock it away. Here's why---

First, not all of us find ourselves totally digging our spouse when the nest empties out and we're left with him/her and realize that we are simply not happy and have nothing in common. Daily life becomes a heavy laden chore that we must suffer through because, as a SAHM (or dad) we forfeited our earning potential and find ourselves penniless as well. Unable to make a change. So we look for ways to deal with our misery without appearing...well, miserable. We put on those happy, smiling facades and no one is the wiser. But, inside, we ache for happiness and well being.

Second, for those who do find themselves thrilled to be left with time to spend with the love of their life when the kids are grown and have moved on, there is 'extra' money to play with. There may be a bit for some travel. A nice, romantic vacation just for two. Or some $$$ for those home renovations that they dreamed of making but just didn't have the time or space when the kids were growing up. Or for just about anything because, let's face it, when you're left with your soul mate, anything is possible.

So kudos to those moms (and dads) who are sharing their knowledge/wisdom/thoughts/ideas and special deals/wonderful products/creative projects with other moms and dads out there. I'm so glad y'all have found a way to be right there with your precious ones as they grow up and make money at the same time. I find y'all resourceful and smart and innovative. And, when those little bits have entered the adult world and are no longer living with you, you'll have some of that cash socked away for that special time with your one true love. Or to make that much needed change.

Either way, I like a lot of what I'm seeing out there in the mommy (daddy) blogging genre. And I'm glad they've found a way to have it both ways.

Of course, there are some out there who are sharing thoughts/ideas/suggestions/advice that borders on duh or stupid. But that's for another post.

Until later, y'all!

Unsolicited Advice Givers

Unsolicited advice seems to come from every direction and to be aimed right at me. This does not make me a happy camper.

I don't think it's because people are unaware that I possess a fully functional brain. I think it's because they value their opinions over others or because they love to hear the sound of their own voices or because they want to live in a world where everyone does everything the way the advice giver wants it done. Who doesn't. Ha!

It's like this, I have a brain and I am not afraid to use it. As a matter of fact, I use it every minute of every day. It's the most active part of my body. My brain works and it works quite well. I use it for making decisions, formulating my own opinions, applying logic, solving problems, philosophizing, processing new information...

Here's the thing---

When I share what I am going to do with you, that is NOT an invitation to share your opinion on the matter unless I point blank ask for your opinion. You will know I want to hear your thoughts if words like, "What do you think?" come out of my mouth.

Here's another thing---

When you come into a room and see me engaged in an activity, this is also not an invitation for you to share your thoughts on how I should be doing it as opposed to the way I am doing it. I am not interested in hearing, "I'm just trying to tell you how to do it." If I am interested in finding a new way of doing something (different from my tried and true way or the way I've researched it for myself) or need help doing it, you will hear something like, "Have you ever tried doing this?" or "Can you think of a better way to do this?" or "Could you help me with this?"

And then there's this--

Opposing viewpoints are fun and educational, at times, when both parties have an opportunity to speak, be heard and respond. It's called conversation. Sometimes it's called debating. It's called stupid when you yell at the other person and call them names for having an opinion that differs from yours in an effort to force them to believe as you do.

And one more---

Telling me what you think another person should do is a total waste of your time and mine. I am not going to go to the person and share your unsolicited advice for them with them. At least, not seriously. This will only be done for a laugh. And that laugh will be at your expense.

It annoys me to no end being on the receiving end of all this unsolicited advice from people who know just enough about everything to know absolutely nothing about anything. Walking around all puffed up with bits of here and there knowledge (some of it self appointed as knowledge) does not make anyone an expert on anything. Nor does it give that person the right to inflict that 'knowledge' on others. Shouting and spewing that garbage does nothing but further decline their credibility. Not that their credibility existed in the first place. Now, they are in the negative. And the same thing goes for those who possess wisdom and think the world will end if they don't impart said wisdom to others.

At my house, I am seriously considering implementing a 'No Talking' policy. I would try a 'No Stupid' policy but that would fail miserably in the first seconds.

Anyone else out there not a fan of unsolicited advice?

The Definition of Helpless is Not 'Women'

I have an announcement to make, so listen up and pass it on---

Not every woman on the planet is helpless or fragile.

Seriously. There are so many chores/activities that many of us of the female variety are quite capable of doing all by ourselves. Without help.

And guess what else? IF we do need some help, we know how to ask for it. Amazing, isn't it?

Not all of us need someone to carry our grocery bags for us. Not all of us need someone to move the furniture for us when rearranging a room. Not all of us need you to reach something on a high shelf or mow the lawn or carry debris and tree limbs to the curb for us. Not all of us need someone to do the driving or even make decisions for us.

And some of us can get rather resentful if, after knowing a woman for 30 years, you still try to help where you are not needed.

The problem around here is that someone is always willing to help when help is not needed but not willing to help when help IS needed. That's just annoying. Or mean. Or stupid.

I am one of those women who does not appreciate having someone's nose in her business. I am not helpless. I am not stupid or ignorant. And I do not work well with others when the others are trying to tell me what to do and how to do it without being asked. That, in my opinion is NOT teamwork. That just pisses me off. And, when you see the look of pissedoffedness on my face, you seriously need to stop it. Immediately.

If your idea of teamwork involves the sharing of ideas and actions, then sign me up! Otherwise, you are on your own and I would appreciate you leaving me on my own.

If it's a helpless, fragile woman you want who will hang on your every word no matter how idiotic it sounds and do everything your way just because that's the way you want it done and be void of her own opinions (even better not have a thought in her pretty little head) then Mister you're in the wrong house.

Everyone needs help sometimes. I know that. But most of us- men and women- can function pretty darn well on our own two feet.  I also realize that, sometimes, people are just trying to be nice. But, when I say, "No thank you. I've got it." Back. Off. Do not try to force your help on me or you may see the crazy lady come out. In full force.


Do you know anyone who tries to force their help when no help is needed?

Bouncin' Barb is HERE!

Y'all! I am SO excited! One of my most favorite people in the world is guest posting right HERE! On Grinding My Grits! 

Thaaaat's Right! It's Bouncin' Barb and she's going to grind her grits. Y'all might already know her as the lovely, hilarious, smart, wonderful, friendly lady who lives and loves at the beach. If you don't know her, head on over to her blog. You won't be sorry! She's a riot! But today, she's got grits to grind.  

Thank you, Barb, for stopping by and sharing this post with us. She's asking for your take on the situation too. So read up and let's get those comments flying! 

Before I begin Grinding My Grits, I want to thank my lovely hostess for having me visit for a guest post.  It’s been quite awhile since I've been a guest somewhere so I can’t forget my manners.

Some of you may or may not know me but I’m Bouncin’ Barb from over at This & That (As I Bounce ThruLife) I've been blogging for 4 years now but the last 2 have been very sporadic. Life has certainly put me on a roller coaster ride the last year especially.  However, I have always been a pretty upbeat person and my blog has been a reflection of that. 

My 7 year relationship with a live in boyfriend came to an official end in January. It was a very good way to start the year as I did some emotional and home cleansing. Burning sage is a great thing for removing negative energy!! We had been on and off for some time so to finally have peace, quiet and a clean place all to myself was great.  It was very therapeutic. He moved out of state and while I tried remaining friendly it became clear it was best to just sever the ties.

Now,  I've met a new man who is really great and totally independent both financially and emotionally! We are enjoying each other and see each other a couple of times a week. I have definitely moved on with my life.

One other very important part of my life are my beautiful Granddaughter’s.  They are my pride and joy and I have been a big part of their lives. They are going on 12 and 13 in a few months. Long story short…my son and their mother gave up custody of them when they were babies to her parents. Her parents then legally adopted them even though my son and their mother are still present in their lives. Last August, their adopted Mom passed away after a long illness and the past year has been trying for the girls but they have done remarkably well .

So when do I start Grinding My Grits?

Well, the adopted Dad began seeing someone earlier in the year. He never mentioned it to me but when my girls came for vacation this summer they spilled the beans!!  Hey, I've been in his shoes so more power to him.

While we were out one day the girls started telling me all about this new woman. Where she lived, what she looked like, her family, where she worked, etc.  Sounds like this new woman has wound her way into their lives and I hear them talking on the phone to her telling her they love her and miss her and her young grandkids.

One thing about me is that I have a memory like an elephant! As they were telling me about this woman, things started sounding too familiar. Finally I asked them if her name was blah blah. When they said yes, I felt sick to my stomach. Turns out she is an ex-girlfriend of my ex that just moved out. 

I can’t believe it! I want to be done with him once and for all. Problem is, this woman keeps bringing him up in conversations. I have seen a text or two the girls read to me and I think that’s just wrong.  It's only been one year for them and I don't think they're done processing the loss of their Mom.

My ex and her haven’t been together for a long, long time.  But, about the time she and the Dad started seeing each other, she sent a friend request to my ex on Facebook.  Started asking a bunch of questions about the girls Mom who passed away and how well he knew her.

Folks, we aren't talking the same town or even the same county here or even the same job. How those two met is a bit of a mystery. Something seems a bit fishy to me and I want nothing to do with this woman or my ex. Seriously, what are the odds of this happening?

Now please understand that I abhor drama. I hope I don’t get pulled into something here because of something stupid.  I don’t want to have to show my “grit” and believe me, this Jersey Girl has grit!!!

Tell me what you think about this situation. Do you think I’m making too much out of it? Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Hope to see you over at my blog. Until next time........BB

Love and Hugs from the Beach!!

Mumbling and the Dragging of the Feet

If someone of that age is dragging their feet and mumbling, it doesn't bother me. To be honest, there isn't much that bothers me at all about those who have made it to 110. They've certainly earned the right to do and say as they please. 100 years is quite a lot of years, after all.

I guess this is expected in people who are somewhere close to 100 years old. I mean, by that time, people are probably tired. Although, I have seen some people over the age of 100 who are still walking without dragging their feet and speaking with volume and clarity.


But when I'm faced with someone who is merely 60 and walks around dragging their feet and mumbling and acting as though it's a complete strain to use their voice AND with shoulders slumped, I'm annoyed. BIG TIME ANNOYED.

I've been told that I'm just too nit-picky but, seriously, I don't care why I don't like it, I just know that I want it to stop.

This is particularly annoying when they only do it if there's an audience. Seriously. You can come to my house and watch this person walk up the driveway and onto the porch like a perfectly, healthy, NORMAL person and switch gears faster than a speeding bullet as soon as they know someone can see them.

Anyone who knows me at all, and even those who have known me in the past, are quite aware that this behavior will not result in getting any sympathy from me at all. The nicest thing it will get you is a snort of derision.

Whenever there is someone other than myself present and they--because they don't know any better- inquire as to the health and well being of the seemingly afflicted, the response is long and drawn out and riddled with sighs and slurs and begins with something like, "Oh, well, I guess I'm ok it's just blahblahblah." This goes on for at least ten minutes. No one wants to hear all that.

This is, I believe, strictly attention seeking behavior. I teach in an elementary school and am quite familiar with attention seeking behavior and am in no mood to face or handle it when I come home every day.

I get being tired. I get being hot and I get not feeling well. But come on! There is no need to act like a spoiled teenager.

Ok, what do y'all think?

The Thing About eBay

I love eBay. Most of the time. I've used eBay for so many different things over the years and, for the mot part, have been quite satisfied. I love finding deals there. When I bought my Fitbit recently, I found it for less on eBay. I've found my favorite running (which are now, walking) shoes for less there. I've found obscure items that I couldn't find other places there. I've purchased books for $1.00 or less there. And I love that most of the sellers offer FREE SHIPPING! What a BONUS!

There were two purchases I made this summer that were rather interesting...

First, with Mr Negative being around so much, I actually thought that a Himalayan salt lamp would be a nice addition to my house. Don't laugh. If you lived with someone as negative as this man, you would try anything too. Much to my dismay, when it arrived, it was nonfunctional. So I contacted the seller who sent me a shipping label to send it back and then he replaced my lamp. No problem and Thank you, Josh! (They are secret_wisdom on eBay).

Second, I saw these adorable bird feeders made out of Mason jars, twine and chicken feeders. I HAD to make some! So, I ordered four chicken feeders from RuralKing.com on July 12, 2014.

This is the box they sent:

This is what was in the box:

Does that even remotely resemble a chicken feeder to y'all? Yeah, me neither. Y'all know why? Because that's a tee NOT 4 chicken feeders. 

So, I opened a case on eBay:

Additional information: "I ordered/paid for 4 Miller Mfg Round Jar Galvanized Feeder Base for Chicken 9810 and received 1 black iron 3/4 tee. Please advise. "

July 18th: Seller's message:

"Hello, I am terribly sorry about this. I have submitted a Customer Care Request with the Customer Care Department letting them know about this. They will be in contact with you via email within 1-2 business days in regards to fixing this matter. Thank you"

July 18th: Your Customer Care Request has been received. You will be notified when your request is reviewed. If you have any questions about your Return, please contact us at customerservice@ruralking.com

Thank you for your business.

July 21: Hello, We are sorry to hear that you received an incorrect item. Our Customer Care Department would like to further investigate this situation by reviewing pictures of your incorrect item. If you could, please send pictures of your item to customerservice@ruralking.com. Thank you, RuralKing.com

My response: I am attaching pictures of the WRONG item that YOU sent as per YOUR request. While I am trying to be understanding, I am quite resentful of the fact that I have to jump through hoops to correct YOUR mistake. 

I should mention that I do blog about purchases I make via eBay. Just FYI.

Their response: Hello, we have received your message. I will forward it to the representative in our Customer Care Department that you have been working with. They will respond to you via email or continue the investigation and respond when they have additional information. Have a great day!

July 22: Hello, I appreciate you taking the time to send in the photos. I have let the store know who shipped this out incorrectly to get the correct item out to you as soon as possible. Once the tracking number is available you will be notified. Thank you again for your time, Ruralking.com.

August 2nd:

Your message to the seller:

"After following all your requests, which included long wait periods and taking pictures of the wrong item you sent AND being told the original order was being sent, I still have not received the items I ordered. Please advise. "

August 5th: Seller's message:

"Hello, The correct item has been shipped with a UPS tracking number of 1ZX788W50399845518. Thank you, Ruralking.com."

Ok, I got so excited that they were finally arriving, that I went ahead and made the jar part of the bird feeders:

Later that day, August 7th, I received this box: 

...with the following contents:

Damn if they weren't getting close. There were 4 of them. And they did relate to chickens. Only I ordered feeders NOT waterers. AND, every email we've sent back and forth contains a PICTURE of the actual items I ordered. GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK.

SOOOOOO- I respond to the case once again:

August 7: Your message to the seller:

"Once again, the WRONG item was shipped. I have already taken pictures of the galvanized chicken waterers that were sent this time. Please note that I ordered four of the galvanized chicken feeders. Which I have yet to receive. At this point, I have to wonder if someone is playing some sort of NOT FUNNY game with me. I don't want to escalate the case to eBay customer support but this has gotten ridiculous. Please advise. "

And get THIS in return:

August 7: Seller's message:

"Hello, I am terribly sorry about this. I have let the Customer Care Department know about this. They will be in contact with you again as soon as possible. Thank you"

August 8: 

Hello, I am extremely sorry to hear you have received the incorrect item again. It was very clear what needed to be shipped to you so I am unsure how this has happened again. Can you please send in the photos you have of these item you have received so we can figure out what is happening? I appreciate all of you assistance. Thank you, Ruralking.com.

My response:

I took pictures as soon as the package arrived yesterday since I knew you would ask me to jump through hoops in order to help you correct your second error. This is the most ridiculous experience I've ever had with a company. I'm aware of the clarity of the items I ordered which makes it very fishy as to why I received the wrong items AGAIN. Here are your pictures. 

Later that day:

Hello, we have received your message. I will forward it to the representative in our Customer Care Department that you have been working with. They will respond to you via email or continue the investigation and respond when they have additional information. Have a great day!

Good Lord. Here we go again.

They finally sent me the tops to the bottoms (or waterers)...they look like this:

Notice anything wrong with the tops? Like oh, I don't know...the fact that they are BENT? 

What was their response to this shipment?

Seller's message:
"Hello, I am terribly sorry about this. I have been in contact with the Customer Care Department letting them know about this. They will be in contact with you via email within 1-2 business days in regards to fixing this matter. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience and they will be in contact with you as soon as possible. Thank you"

Very familiar message, right? 

Well, enough is enough. Screw you, RuralKing.com. I want nothing further to do with you now nor do I care to have anything to do with you in any way in the future. 

Between the second wrong order and the bent tops, I ordered 4 galvanized chicken feeders from Incubator Warehouse. Yep, via eBay. When the box arrived, these were inside:

It took all of 4 days from the day of placing the order to receipt of the order. 

THAT'S the way to do business, Rural King.com 

Ok, let's here your eBay story!

Forkers

What's a forker? It's someone without manners.  I wouldn't exactly call this a southern thing, just a manners thing. A forker is someone who uses their fork for eating AND for serving. I've seen this done with spoons as well. Even with knives.

And it drives me NUTS.

Hello! We have serving spoons and serving forks for SERVING. We have other forks and spoons for eating. They are different. And, to me, they are different for a reason--no one, at least no one I know personally, wants someone's germs on their food.

I live with a forker. The first time my family ate at my oldest daughter's in-laws' home, Mr Forker took the fork right out of his mouth and stuck it into another piece of beef right from the serving tray. In front of everyone. He also scraped some of the olives and gravy straight off the serving dish onto his plate. With that same fork.  

Yes, I was embarrassed. Yes, his mother would have been horrified. No, I am not ashamed to admit I was embarrassed. It just goes against the way I was raised. And it's not nice.

Mr. Forker wonders why I tend to hide certain things from him. Like olives. He can have his jar, but not the jar that others use. Why? Because the fork or spoon comes out of his mouth and/or straight out of his food and into that jar. His jar always has food particles swimming around in it. Same with honey. Peanut butter. Pickles. Peppers. Everything. And the juice that runs down the jar? It's not wiped off and put right back into the fridge or pantry or wherever. 

And the knives? I've seen them go from the butter to the toast to the jelly or honey with a lick in between to clean it off. NOT cool. 

Forkers are also guilty of double dipping. They put a chip of some sort into a bowl of dip of some sort, take a bite and dip again. The only time I can think of that this practice is truly ok is when the forker has put some of that dip onto a plate of his/her own. DoubleTripleQuadruple dip all day long for all I care as long as the dip in on their own plate. Or if they're the only one eating the dip. Which they will be once people notice they are double dipping. (Maybe that's the reason for the double dipping????)

Guess what else forkers do? They drink out of the carton. The milk carton, the jug of water, the container of lemonade, the pitcher of tea-whatever it is, they will drink straight from the container. The container that everyone else takes out, pours their drink of choice into a glass and then returns the container to the fridge.

Life with a forker is life played on the defensive.

Do you know any forkers?