Thursday, April 2, 2015

Balancing Act

Finding balance has never really been much of a problem for me. When my four daughters were growing up, I was lucky enough to stay at home with them (I was a SAHM---can you believe they have an acronym for it now? Like it's a brand new thing to do?...Good. Grief.) and balance was pretty easy to find. After they all grew up and moved out, I found balance in an empty nest. And, later, I started teaching at a local elementary school and found balance once again. No problem.

Not really.  During those in between times- the periods of adjustment- that's when I have a bit of trouble with balance.

My life was easily balanced during the 25+ years of raising four daughters. I quickly adjusted with the birth of each daughter and fell into a smooth routine each time. Of course, by routine, I mean I learned to go with the flow. As long as you can do that, the balance is there. My balance was not having an agenda and learning to change horses in the middle of the stream because, if you've got kids, just trying to have a set schedule is impossible. Someone will always throw a wrench into something. Go with the flow and you feel balance.

But then, the last one headed off to college and, BOOM! No more balance. I worked hard in my search for empty nest balance. It only took me about three years but I did it! And I liked it. Except that there were some long hours that still seemed empty. And then, I was offered the opportunity to teach in the computer lab at the elementary school my daughters attended.

BOOM! Empty nest balance gone and the adjustment period was back. It didn't take me too long this time. I had no children at home so all I had to do, really, was go to school, teach, come home and spend time with my pup. If I wanted to eat, I would cook or just have leftovers. If I wanted to prepare meals on the weekend for the week, I would. If I wanted to garden, I did. What about the mister? Hey, I was working now too so he could do whatever he wanted to. His adjustment in finding balance was probably harder than mine. I found balance that was quite liberating.

Until two of the daughters moved back home.

Biggest BOOM of my life. The first one was only going to be here for one year at the most. She's in her second year. The second one just appeared about three months ago with no idea how long she will stay. The balance is evading me. I had gotten close until second daughter moved back. Now there is no semblance of balance to be found.

So far, balance is not hiding in the war zone that are their rooms. Rooms that I had just finished redecorating before they moved back in.

It's not hiding in the plethora of dirty dishes that sit in huge piles until I wash them.

It's not hiding in the disgusting filth of their bathroom that even I won't clean.

All is not hopeless, however. Because, every so often I do catch a glimmer of balance. I see it grin at me when we all realize that we have the same thing in common like hating it when the bottom of our feet itch.

Or how none of us cares about fine china or silver. Or when we fall into hysterics when we sound like we're all arguing but we're just being silly or mocking something from a movie. Or when I get the feeling of belonging that comes with being with two of the best people I know. The sense of comfort at belonging to this group of crazy girls.

I see it in the knowledge that we can be who we are and are loved anyway.

I even see it when I get flustered and call a Cadbury Cream Egg a Cradbury Cheese Wafer. And it makes Facebook. Sigh.

Yes. Sometimes balance is hard to find. But, if we look deep into the heart of our relationship with our children, no matter how old they are, we'll see it.


This is Day 2 of the A-Z Challenge!

14 comments:

  1. I have always found that about the time I get used to life being one way, something happens to change things up again. I'm right back to looking for the "balance" you so aptly described. Not an empty-nester yet, but with 4 teens and a tween, I can see we are quickly heading that direction. Enjoyed your A-to-Z post today!

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    1. Doesn't it always seem that way? We barely get a second to sit down before it happens again. Thanks!

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  2. My time as a step-mom, living with the boys (they were 16 & 20) at home was short, and so far neither of our boys has moved back in. They will tell you that we actually moved away and left them... true, but we did say they could move to Florida with us. Son #1 is in his 3rd marriage and son #2 is not married now, so there have been rocky times for both of them, but they did not move to Florida. They are in their late 40s and early 50s now, so moving home isn't going to happen. They may have to face having one or both of us destroying their empty nests! (Hope not, ever!) Great post, Pam.

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    1. I hope I don't have to invade my girls' nests either. Cause, pay back and all that. LOL Thanks!

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  3. Balance really is a hard thing to achieve and keep as a mindset. Despite your frustrations, it sounds like you've got a handle on it, though!

    Jessica
    2015 A to Z Blogger
    Visions of Other Worlds

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    1. It does 'sound' that way, doesn't it? LOL Thanks!

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  4. Ohhhh can I ever relate to a balancing act. However, for me after 20 years I went through a divorce with teenagers at home. Amazingly we all survived. The best part is my two kids, a son and a daughter, have wonderful families and kids of their own. Now being a grandmother with kids living far from home is a balancing act. Thanks for visiting my blog. I enjoyed reading about your experiences.

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    1. My kids are the best part of the last 30 years. And my little pup. :) The man? Not so much. But, good with the bad. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! Enjoy the challenge!

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  5. My boys moved in and out for a few years. Got one left in the nest (17) and the others (30,32) finally rooted with stability. Ahhhhh....breathe....

    Glad to see you're doing the A-to-Z Challenge!

    Cherdo
    www.cherdoontheflipside.com

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    1. So, there's hope? Yay! LOL These two will move back at out some point. Hopefully the balance will become stronger while they're here and won't wait until they move out. Sheesh. ;)

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  6. I am an empty nester too. Change is constant, isn't it?

    Found you through AtoZ. Added you to my Feedly.
    http://thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com/

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    1. Hey! I always enjoy meeting other empty nesters! Thanks for stopping by! I'll head your way soon!

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  7. You're very lucky in this aspect. My son was so angry at me for moving on with my life that he just ignored me pleas for help around the house. He wasn't always working and I was working 50+ hours a week and I had to mow the lawn, clean up the dishes, AND take care of his girls on the weekend while he slept off a hangover. Oh there was NO balance. I really hope your girls "get it" one of these days because you all adore each other. And you know I adore you. XX

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    1. I hope they do too because this crap is getting OLD. Thanks, girl! Love you!

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Welcome, friends! Please spew forth some wisdom for me. I'm quite certain I need it!