Body Cameras to Keep Us Honest

One very early morning last week, I heard on the news that some places are considering body cameras on police. We already have dashcams in their cars. And then we have the public who are usually armed with cell phone video capabilities. I'm pretty much thinking that this is NOT a bad thing.

It seems to me that, today, a person's word does not carry the meaning it once did. Do y'all remember a time when someone's word, perhaps coupled with a handshake, was like making a promise? That when someone gave you their word (handshake included or not) you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would follow through? That their words were truthful? Honest?

I do. And I have known people like that. My granddaddy was like that. My dad is like that. My oldest brother is like that. I have a best friend from college who is like that. The lovelies are pretty much like that though a couple of them tend to forget things. There are some folks at school who are like that. But, when all is said and done, I don't really know more than 20 or so people who are good at their word.

Police used to be authorities that we could look to for help. I know there have always been 'dirty cops' but, when looking at the big picture, the majority of them were not. I'd like to think that is still the case. But I'm not so sure.

I don't think there are as many honest, forthright folks out there in any walk of life as there once was. And I find that sad. It seems we're all too concerned with saving face than being honest. We've gotten in the habit of finger pointing instead of fessing up. It's always someone fault other than ours.

Perhaps if people cannot be honest all on their own, body cameras, et al, will bring us back to it. I'm always holding out hope.

What do y'all think?

Falling for the Listicles

Monday has come around once again. And quite quickly. One good thing about a Monday, besides being alive, is the Monday Listicles!

The list for this week is, 10 Things Autumn.   

This week's listicle is going to be easy and hard. Easy because autumn is my favorite season and hard because I can only list ten things! 

In no certain order, except for #1---

10 Things Autumn

1. FOOTBALL!
2. Cooler weather. Summer weather sucks. It would be fine with me if we only had winter and autumn.
3. Baking- cookies, breads, cakes...it doesn't matter what, it all tastes and smells better in the autumn months.
4. The holidays! Halloween and Thanksgiving!
5. The colors. I have fall colors in my house I love them so much!
6. The sweet memories of autumns past. So sweet.
7. Sweaters!
8. Pumpkins! Apples! Squash!
9. Hot apple cider!
10. My big floppy socks!

There is absolutely nothing I dislike about autumn!

Ok, what's on your list?

Are Parents Ruining Everything? Part 2

And now we come to the sports part of the topic. And I am here to tell y'all that, YES, parents are ruining sports for their kids. Period.

Birdie was our athlete while she was growing up. She played soccer for 8 years. We were exposed to every level from the beginning rec to the top elite and let me tell you, the higher you went the worse the parents were. It was sickening. But it was even worse with the boys' teams. By the time some friends' sons reached the high school level, I witnessed some of the rudest, dumbest, most violent behavior ON THE PART OF THE PARENTS than I had ever seen in my life. Holy crap on a cracker.

I saw parents punch coaches. I saw parents cuss out one another and come to blows right on the field in front of God and everybody because of two kids having a scuffle on the field. The adult embarrassment occurred AFTER the boys had shaken hands and moved on. One of Birdie's coaches didn't like the way a game was going so he walked away from the game, sat on a log and pouted. Like a two year old.

What a bunch of morons.

My friends proceeded to tell me that I hadn't seen anything. And then, they told me stories. I won't share these stories because I'm sure there are some of you out there who have witnessed similar, if not worse, scenes.

Some of y'all might have heard me talk about my competitive spirit. Yes, I've got one. And it's rather large. But it's FAIR and HONEST. I never want to win by cheating. I like honest, fair play winning. These parents don't. They want their kid to stand out and be the best of the best. The cream of the crop. But, the only thing standing out is the apparent idiocy of their parents.

The author of the article I read on The Boston Globe's site writes: "I can say unequivocally that adult expectations are the number one problem." I concur. 

I've witnessed it firsthand and I've heard the stories. And I believe, without a doubt, that it is the parents who are ruining sports for their kids.

Ok, sound off! Let's hear what y'all are thinking on this one.  

Are Parents Ruining Everything? Part 1

Maybe. I've read two articles lately that have me thinking that parents may very well be ruining everything for their kids. Both articles are in the Boston Globe. I'll cover the first one in this post.

The article, How Parents Make Teachers Miserable was written by a 27 year old teacher who has no intentions of returning to the profession. Who can blame her? I was amazed at what some of her parents had to say to her during parent conferences.

Take a look:

"During my first parent-teacher conference, I had several parents simply yell at me for the duration of the meeting, enraged by their children’s grades. One mother said her child had never earned a grade as low as a B+ in any class and implied poor teaching must be to blame. Although the student ended up with similar grades the following term from other teachers, I had suffered the brunt of her anger.

I had parents rip grading rubrics out of my hand and tell me the grade their child actually deserved. Another parent questioned me on how English Language Arts was relevant to his daughter’s life. At this point I’d had it, and I told him it was probably the most important subject his daughter was taking. Knowing how to communicate effectively is vital in the world outside the classroom walls. Parents who forget that in their blind push for undeserved higher grades do their children a grave disservice."

Are you kidding me? When I was growing up, it was my responsibility to learn what my teachers were teaching. It was the same for the lovelies. Any time one of them received a grade less than what they were capable of getting, it wasn't that the teachers weren't teaching. It was because my lovely daughters weren't holding up their end of the deal. 

In all my years in school, I can recall only three teachers that probably should have considered a different profession. And, when considering my four daughters and all their teachers, the odds were not in favor of the teachers not teaching. I did the math once and I think it came to something like 67 DIFFERENT teachers throughout their k-12 years (they did have some of the same teachers) and, out of those (I know the number was in the 60s) there were only 4 whom I feel should not have been teachers. Considering that information, the failure to make a good grade fell on my kids NOT their teachers. 

Let's be real here. And honest. We would all love to believe that we have perfect children who are above average in every way possible--like at Lake Wobegon..Ha! The truth is, our kids are no more perfect than we, ourselves, are. People are not perfect. And that's ok. 

What's NOT ok is blaming someone else. How will the kids learn to accept responsibility for their failures? Or for falling short? How will they learn to pick themselves up and try again and again and again, if need be? It's rather difficult to pick oneself up when one hand is busy pointing a finger at someone else, don't you think? 

No wonder that poor girl has no intention of returning to teaching. I'm not sure I would either if I had to deal with that accusatory mentality. Of course, there's no way in hell I would teach above the elementary level either so... :)

Ok, what do y'all think about this?

What's On My Mind- In List Form

Monday has come around once again. And quite quickly. One good thing about a Monday, besides being alive, is the Monday Listicles!

The list for this week is, 10 Things You Think About the Most.   

This week's listicle is just as tricky as last week's since my mind is on full speed all the time. This means that the thoughts are so fast and many that they become all tangled up like those confounded Christmas tree lights. I'll give it a go anyway----

10 Things I Think About The Most

1. All the things I need to get done around the house but never do because I've procrastinated to the point that most of it has become overwhelming. And then there's the whole 'why bother until I get roommates who aren't so dang messy all the time' issue. 
2. Why people are so mean and hateful that they feel the need to abuse animals and children and, really, anything/anyone weaker than they. Pisses me off every day. 
3. My grandparents. They've been gone for many, many years now. But nary a day goes by that I don't think of them and miss them. I had the best grandparents EVER!
4. Aging. And then, as soon as that thought pops into my head, I shove it out and move on. I don't like to think about it. Though it is better than the alternative. :)
5. My sweet pup. I love that little thing!
6. How unhappy I am in a relationship but then I remember how blessed I am in my friendships and with my sweet daughters and then things don't seem so bad after all. :)
7. How I need to lose weight in a big way but just don't seem to care enough to actually do something about it. I think up great ideas and then fail to implement them or I do implement them but not long enough to make a difference. Lazy. Bum.
8. The years of raising four daughters. I reflect on a nearly daily basis and take such delight in those memories. I also remember to be grateful to my grandparents for making the holidays so special so that I wanted to pass those traditions down to the girls. 
9. That I can't handle the heat and humidity anymore. On the other hand, I can't handle freezing cold anymore either. In other words, I can't handle either extreme of the daily temp scale. I need no less than 40s during the day and 30s at night. I've become a weather wimp.   
10. Why some people are so stupid. I teach elementary students and I swear I have kindergarteners who are more intelligent than some adults. Sheesh.

I have about 100 more but the listicles asked for 10 so, there you go! LOL

Have a great week, y'all!

To Touch or Not to Touch

Are you a touch-me-not or a hover-er? In our house, we have both. I, personally, am a touch-me-not. Especially when I am sick.

I know people who like to be catered to. Hovered over. Their every need/desire/whim to be met. That's not going to happen if you live here.

Unless you're a kid. But I'm talking about grown up people here.

I didn't mind one bit taking care of my kids. But when grown ups expect me to take care of them, well, it wouldn't be wise for them to hold their breath while waiting.

I guess it's because I don't like to be hovered over when I'm not feeling well. Actually, I do not like to be hovered over for any reason at any time. I need at least a 5 foot radius most of the time.

I'm ok when my students want to give me a hug- unless the thought of lice pops into my thinking. Or they have a snotty nose or have just had their hands somewhere. I'm ok when my family is handing out hugs as well. That's not what I consider hovering behavior.

Hover-ers are people who follow me around from room to room talking incessantly about nothing or trying to tell me that I should be doing whatever it is I'm doing the way they do it and not the way I do it. You know, the kind who stick their noses right where they do not belong.

The kind who are just asking to have those noses punch.

Sometimes, these hover types have a tendency to lean in towards your face when conversing with you. Holy crap! I can't tell you how difficult it is not to push them back.

Five foot radius, people. Five foot radius.

And, if you're a smoker, wear perfume or smelly lotion--that's a ten footer.

And please, for the love of all things good on this earth, do NOT hover over my shoulder while I am reading or working on the computer. Eegads!

Being a touch-me-not is one reason I don't fly. The other is my issue with closed in spaces. Which is related to this issue.

Oh, and on the previous mention of hugging- let's not hold that hug for an uncomfortable length of time. Five seconds is plenty of time. It might even be close to pushing the time boundary.Of course, I'm not talking intimacy here. That's different. Weird, right? I know.

I'm sure there are folks out there who are not protective of their personal space. Mine is guarded better than Fort Knox.

What about you? Are you a hover-er, a touch-me-not or do you fall somewhere in the middle?

What's Happening on the Bed?

Do you make your bed in the mornings? As soon as you get up? I try to.

And then this happens---Tucker jumps up there. I tell him not to mess up the bed and he listens. Attentively.

As soon as my back is turned---

Two minutes later---

Yeah, having a little pup around makes making the bed up in the mornings a double chore.

It's a good thing he's the love of my life. :)

Have a great week, y'all!

10 Hashtags That Describe Me

This is the first time the Grits has been on Monday Listicles. It's such a fun group and I do like making lists, SO...

The list for this week is, 10 Hashtags That Describe Me. Next week, 10 Things You Think About the Most. 

This week's is a bit tricky since I really only figured out the whole hashtag thing in the last 6 months or so. My girls were so shocked and a bit delighted the first time I posted and used a hashtag. Correctly. Ha!

10 Hashtags That Describe Me

1. #momtobestdaughtersever

2. #ilovemydog

3. #iamtoooldforthatsh*t

4. #iseestupidpeople

5. #WTF

6. #itisfootballseasondonotdisturbuntilfebruary

7. #theloveboatsailedwithoutme

8. #doublecuppaontheweekends

9. #textingfool

10. #don'taskifyoudon'twanttoknow

And, just because it's funny:

Signs, Signs Everywhere Signs

This is NOT a post about our troops. It's a post about glorifying killing.

There's a picture making its way around Facebook. And I don't care for it. Here it is:

First, I'm ashamed of the fact that I know, personally, people who reposted this on their walls. Secondly, you have GOT to be kidding me.

I put this right in the propaganda category. I am ashamed of those who put signs like this up in an effort to mislead ignorant people and justify/glorify killing. I am NOT a fan of violence. I am opposed to it.

In my mind, this sign isn't supportive of American troops. It's supportive of killing. Plain and simple. It signifies that killing is something we should be proud of doing. It glorifies killing. It truly sickens me. Killing, for what ever reason, is not fun or funny or something of which we should be proud. That's the mentality of ignorance and fear and stupidity, the KKK and the like.

Although not written as an anti-war song, though, in a way, the inspiration was a type of war, I think of this song:

And I'm pretty sure this one needs to be heard everywhere:

It just may be time to get out those old LPs that you have in the attic, or that your parents or whomever have up there, and listen. Things are getting out of hand. And, contrary to the belief of those posting that sign, we are NOT better than everyone else on the planet.

Does killing in vengeance bring back those whom you are avenging? No. It does not. It doesn't change a thing other than someone else is now dead. The difference is that now, you are the murderer.

If you take this to mean I am down on the troops, you misunderstand. I'm not. I have relatives in the military- past and present. And I know how they feel about killing. In all honesty, I have never, NEVER, met a single military person who was involved in a war who told me how wonderful it was or how much they enjoyed killing another human being. I also have never met someone in the military who didn't come back changed after a war. War sucks.

I'm not sitting here with all the answers. I'm never sitting here with all the answers. But violence does breed violence. And I'd like to know where it is going to stop.

Can't we all just get along? :)

Supper's Ready!

One thing we did when Mother called us to supper was go straight inside, wash our hands and sit down to eat. We didn't meander and saunter in when it suited US. We moved it mister and moved it speedy quick. I was always told that, when someone goes through the trouble of preparing a meal for you, you go-WHEN THEY CALL YOU IN- and enjoy the meal together. It was that way at my grandparents'--both sides-- houses and in my own home. If we didn't come in when Mother called, we might have had a discussion from Daddy. IF you know what I mean.

Some people are not raised that way, apparently.

I know someone who has, as long as I've know them, not gone to the table when a meal is ready. I'm pretty sure this man gets it from his father whom I watched on numerous occasions sit and finish reading the paper or watching something on television before getting up and walking, slowly, to the table to eat.

I find that arrogant. And rude. AND, I believe this attitude filters through to other areas of life as well. I'm not sure I believe people are this way in just one situation. But that is food for thought...see what I did there? LOL

I understand if a person can't stop something at that very moment. Like taking a shower. But then, why would you wait until just before supper to take that shower? Why not do it earlier so you can eat when the meal is served? With these men, I think it's a control issue.

Regardless, I find it disrespectful.

So, what has happened is that people have stopped calling this man in for supper, even on special occasions. Why bother? When you know that the person won't come when it's ready, why should you waste your time letting them know it's ready?

This has resulted in missed birthday meals - even his own, until everyone else has finished. None of his family makes the effort to let him know because he has spent years letting his family know that he won't be coming as soon as it's ready. He'll be coming to the table as soon as HE is ready.

I will always see this as a simple matter of respect. A person either has it, or they don't. But, if they're going to eat at my house, they will be eating alone if they don't possess it.

What do y'all think about this?

Tell It Like It Is

Don't ask me if you do not REALLY want to know because I am not one of those people who tell you what you WANT to hear, I tell you how it really is. And I am not known for sugar coating it either. Unless it's a kid asking me the question. In which case I tone it down but I do not fib. Nor am I afraid to say, "I don't know."

I'm also one of those who will, instead of talking behind someone's back, just go to their face and say it. If I don't say anything, it is safe to assume that I am done with that person. Completely.

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that a group of 5 college age-ish girls moved into the house across the street. Our lovely neighbor had to leave her house and move in with her son and his family due to ill health. That was bad enough. But then her stupid son rented out our lovely friend's house to this group.

I know about college aged kids. I was one and I raised four daughters, all of whom were college students. I used to feed college students on Wednesday nights when Birdie and DoodleBug were still in college. My most wonderful friend in the world teaches college English and my aunt taught at Virginia Tech and UGA for YEARS.

I know about college aged students.

We live in a nice, quiet, family neighborhood. We moved here 27 years ago for that very reason. And because of the school district. We have lovely neighbors except for the drunks on one side but even they are better than this group of intrusive girls.

They have intruded on our quiet and our parking. Little things? Probably. But there's a principle involved here. And, if you know me, you know I can't let that go.

I just can't.

In our neighborhood, we are courteous. We do not park in front of our neighbor's houses and we try to be considerate in every way possible. We have short driveways and most of the houses are no more than 1600 square feet. If you have multiple drivers with their own cars, you have to use the street in front of your house. Any time we do have people parked in front of our homes, they are either family, visitors of ours or our neighbors but they do NOT park ON our property.

Let me also mention that, if cars are parked on both sides of the street, emergency vehicles are going to play heck getting to the end of the cul-de-sac.

Until 5 girls move in across the street and decide that they can park wherever and whenever they choose with no regards for anyone or anything. And, legally, they can park on the street in front of our houses. But we don't like it and it doesn't make for a positive beginning.

Friday was the straw that broke the camel's back when one of their friends parked in front of my house IN my yard. Well, just her driver's side tires, but still. That. Was. IT.

So I confronted said girls when they approached the car.

I told them that this is a family neighborhood and that most of us have multiple drivers who should be able to park in front of their own property. I told them that parking IN my yard means I can have their car towed and that I will do that if they park IN my yard again. I also told them that it would not be an issue had they bothered to ask first and that I found the fact that they had not asked first rude and disrespectful. I told them that I teach little kids all day and that I didn't want to have to come home and deal with them here. I told them that they would be hearing from our civic association about our neighborhood rules. They were, to be honest, very sweet and responded with a lot of 'yes ma'ams' and then promised it would not happen again.

Let's hope it doesn't. Cause if it does, they may very come out and find that the air in their tires is, mysteriously, MIA.

Someone thanked me privately but publicly suggested we give them a chance since they are so young and associated with a church group. I nearly blew a gasket.

Really? Excuse rude/inconsiderate behavior because someone is young? Is that like saying, "Oh well, boys will be boys," when they rape a girl? Yeah, I'm not buying that crap. And you won't find me making allowances for rude behavior based on one's religion either.

I'm pretty sure these girls had parents while growing up. Either the lessons were ignored or they were not taught. Regardless, common sense should have kicked in at some point.

We have a lovely civic association who visited the girls over the weekend with our by-laws and who told them how to be courteous in the neighborhood. How sad that they had to be told. That they weren't taught while growing up.

Anyway, so far they have kept their tries out of my yard. And please know. they have one of the very few properties in our neighborhood with a driveway large enough for four cars. Five if one is in the garage. So it's not like they don't have somewhere to park.

Downtown Charleston is different. Nearly everyone parks on the street down there. College students are mixed in neighborhoods with retired folks, young families and young adults. It works down there. People are not only used to it, it's expected. And accepted.

We aren't downtown Charleston. We are across the bridge. For a reason.

Ok, y'all go ahead and weigh in.

Work Ethic

I come from a long line of folks with tremendous work ethics. On both sides of my family. My grandparents came from farmers and mill workers on one side and the work ethic filtered right down to my very own children. Whether we work inside or outside the home, we put in our time, giving 110% , doing our best and then some and doing it in a timely manner.

I guess this is something that is no longer learned from our parents and grandparents because one school district in the tri-county area has begun implementing a work ethic program for students. I read that the program was implemented a couple of years ago when businesses complained that graduating students had poor work ethics.

One example is making it the students' job to get to class on time. If they walk in late, the teacher points out that, if this were an actual job, the student would be fired from his/her job.

Now, DD4 doesn't say anything, that I can find, about teaching responsibility or showing up (they just mentioned showing up on time) or work time not being personal time. I didn't find anything about having a positive attitude, being cooperative, making informed choices, developing effective communication skills, time management, appropriate attire, etc. Though I'm sure these, and other, skills are being taught. Right?

I don't have a problem with students being taught a good work ethic. I appreciate good work ethics. What I have a problem with is that the work ethics are having to be taught in school. Skills that were once learned from example by watching our parents and grandparents.

What happened?

I see it at our elementary school. The number of tardies alone are enough to make you wonder. I kid you not, the number borders on ridiculous. The clothes that people allow their children to wear is also bordering on ridiculous not to mention breaking dress code. Students are already disrespectful and rude and give well less than 100% every single day. Some of them act like the world OWES them.

And I'd like to know why?

Why can't people get their kids to school on time? Why don't they make their kids wear dress code appropriate clothing? Why do they not teach their kids the importance of giving their all, their best every day? WTH is going on?

Most of us learned these things from the examples set by our parents and grandparents. By the time we got to school we knew how to sit and listen. We knew how to cooperate. We knew how to be respectful of our teachers and our classmates. We knew that it was our job to do our best and to learn.

Is it because the grandparents of today's kids tend to live faraway? I don't think so because that would mean that today's parents missed the lesson or their parents didn't set a very good example. Is it because the parents are too busy which leads to be too tired? I take issue with this because I raised FOUR daughters who made it to school ON TIME every single day of their lives and make it to work ON TIME now. They all have a good work ethic. Two of them have outstanding work ethics.

So, what's the problem? I have no idea. I have my theories but they aren't very nice so I'll keep them inside. For now. But I do believe it to be a sad commentary on today's families that school now has to teach their kids how to have a good work ethic. Sheesh.

What do y'all think?

Money and Sex

Does not a marriage make. There simply must be more.

I overheard (no, I wasn't eavesdropping, they were talking loudly...ok, they were talking loudly but the conversation caught my attention so I ended up eavesdropping) a conversation at a local establishment a while back that made me want to join in and give my two cents worth.

Two people (SAHMs, apparently) were talking about marriage and how, as long as a man was paying the bills and the couple was having sex, that was enough to make the marriage last. That was all she needed.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaking from a woman's point of view because, I'm a woman, this type of relationship is just not going to last. Unless you're a very good actress or just don't care what kind of relationship you have.

I believe, in all honestly, that money and sex is not all that a woman needs in a relationship--in this case, a marriage. Women like time and attention. Not attention like, "Look at me! Look at me!" But the kind where two people are wanting and willing to spend time together talking or watching a movie or going out to eat or reading aloud to one another, taking walks, etc.

It's called intimacy and, if it's missing, things are not going to last forever. And someone just might end up looking for that missing companionship/closeness/comfort- elsewhere.

I wrote about not being a helpless woman in an earlier post and, while I am quite proud of this characteristic of mine, if you're not careful it can be translated into you not needing a significant other for anything other than paying the bills and sex. That significant other might just decide to look elsewhere for someone who is needy or turn to his/her own biological family who is needy and spend all of his/her time with them (which is what happened in my case.)

What gets lost in translation is that people need the companionship, the closeness, the intimacy of another individual. We may be independent and able to do many things alone but intimacy is not one of those things.

Just because a woman is not helpless does not mean she doesn't appreciate emotional support and a little romance. Some women might appreciate sex just for the physical attention but, I believe, most of us prefer intimacy that will be sorely lacking if the significant other is not physically present and/or not willing to put in the time or effort.

Ok, it's your turn. Do you think people need intimacy?

I Was A SAHM

Yep. And that was before it was all bloggy to do so.

Did I enjoy being a SAHM? Absolutely. Would I do it all over again? Yes indeed. Would I do anything differently? Yep. Sure would. I would have figured out a way to earn some bucks.

That is one reason I am so glad to see so many SAHM's (and a few dads too) blogging these days. Good for them! Make that money ladies (and gents) and sock it away. Here's why---

First, not all of us find ourselves totally digging our spouse when the nest empties out and we're left with him/her and realize that we are simply not happy and have nothing in common. Daily life becomes a heavy laden chore that we must suffer through because, as a SAHM (or dad) we forfeited our earning potential and find ourselves penniless as well. Unable to make a change. So we look for ways to deal with our misery without appearing...well, miserable. We put on those happy, smiling facades and no one is the wiser. But, inside, we ache for happiness and well being.

Second, for those who do find themselves thrilled to be left with time to spend with the love of their life when the kids are grown and have moved on, there is 'extra' money to play with. There may be a bit for some travel. A nice, romantic vacation just for two. Or some $$$ for those home renovations that they dreamed of making but just didn't have the time or space when the kids were growing up. Or for just about anything because, let's face it, when you're left with your soul mate, anything is possible.

So kudos to those moms (and dads) who are sharing their knowledge/wisdom/thoughts/ideas and special deals/wonderful products/creative projects with other moms and dads out there. I'm so glad y'all have found a way to be right there with your precious ones as they grow up and make money at the same time. I find y'all resourceful and smart and innovative. And, when those little bits have entered the adult world and are no longer living with you, you'll have some of that cash socked away for that special time with your one true love. Or to make that much needed change.

Either way, I like a lot of what I'm seeing out there in the mommy (daddy) blogging genre. And I'm glad they've found a way to have it both ways.

Of course, there are some out there who are sharing thoughts/ideas/suggestions/advice that borders on duh or stupid. But that's for another post.

Until later, y'all!