The Boss

Because there are some rather scathing posts coming in the next couple of weeks (not too bad but I have to get it out- school district stupidity and how PTA has changed over the years, for example) I want to start my end of teaching with a positive...

Have y'all ever wanted to be the boss? Not at home, where you probably already are the boss or, at least, one of the bosses, but outside the home at a job where you receive money instead of fulfillment (not that some of us don't have jobs that fulfill us) and love. I haven't. I just don't want those size headaches. Not even for the money (which, when you're in education is not that much more.)

Since deciding not to return to school next year ( because I get to take care of my soon-to-be-born very first grandchild), I've been reflecting on the last few years and thoughts of bosses have been on my mind. So, my question is: What makes a good boss?

I could tell y'all what a not so good boss is like but when I think of the AP at our school, Cindi, all I can say are good things. Because she's a really good boss. Really. Good. Fantastic, even. Why?

• She's fair. No matter who, no matter what, she will be fair. She listens and asks questions. There is no assuming on her part. There is no jumping to conclusions. I've witnessed this from her whether she's dealing with parents, students, or teachers. 
• She's an observer. She watches and listens and makes suggestions based on those observations. She never jumps in without first taking the time to gather her information. You won't catch this one making an assumption and acting on it.  
• She empathizes. She cares and you know it. 
• She has a sense of humor. She not only possesses a sense of humor, she appreciates humor in general. It's comforting to know that you can laugh with the boss.  
• She's human, she knows it, and she doesn't try to hide it. If she makes a mistake, she owns it. She is never afraid to say, "I don't know" or "I'm sorry." 
• She takes time. No matter who or when she takes the time to hear us out. Most of us have been to her countless times just to vent and she has, each time listened and offered either just the ear or a bit of commiseration. Even when she has to point out that we're misunderstanding a situation, she does it in a way helps us understand that instead of making us feel silly or stupid. She never tries to take away someone's dignity. 
• She is professional but can 'let her hair down.' In other words, she does not have the proverbial stick up her butt. There is no attitude of superiority from her and this is a huge reason she is respected as a leader.  
• She is supportive. She has your back. I have never doubted this. Not one single time. None of us have.   
• She encourages and inspires. You know those people who bring out the best in others? Our AP is one of those. She is always encouraging us to be innovative. She inspires us to be the best we can be as educators and as human beings. We want to do and be our best.  
• She communicates. We never have to wonder where she stands or what she expects. If she is disappointed, she will let us know. If she sees something that needs to be changed or improved, she lets people know in an inspirational way, never demeaning. She does not make assumptions but gathers facts before confronting anyone from faculty to student (I know, repeat, but this is huge in my book.) If she has questions, she asks them. She's a straight-shooter. 
• She is honest. I have NEVER known our AP to be dishonest.

This all seems unreal, doesn't it? I would probably think so too had I not witnessed her first-hand. And, if I asked around, I'd probably discover that my list is lacking. There are so many lessons I have learned from her and some that I should have but am just too stubborn in my ways. There are several people I will miss, greatly, at school and she is one of them. Just the daily interactions with her as a friend will be the main thing, But it all ranks up there on the list.

I'm sure she has faults, she is human after all. But those apparently are far outweighed by her strengths because I don't know her faults.

I might even miss this next year:

Just kidding! Love you CP!  

   


  

Balancing Act

Finding balance has never really been much of a problem for me. When my four daughters were growing up, I was lucky enough to stay at home with them (I was a SAHM---can you believe they have an acronym for it now? Like it's a brand new thing to do?...Good. Grief.) and balance was pretty easy to find. After they all grew up and moved out, I found balance in an empty nest. And, later, I started teaching at a local elementary school and found balance once again. No problem.

Not really.  During those in between times- the periods of adjustment- that's when I have a bit of trouble with balance.

My life was easily balanced during the 25+ years of raising four daughters. I quickly adjusted with the birth of each daughter and fell into a smooth routine each time. Of course, by routine, I mean I learned to go with the flow. As long as you can do that, the balance is there. My balance was not having an agenda and learning to change horses in the middle of the stream because, if you've got kids, just trying to have a set schedule is impossible. Someone will always throw a wrench into something. Go with the flow and you feel balance.

But then, the last one headed off to college and, BOOM! No more balance. I worked hard in my search for empty nest balance. It only took me about three years but I did it! And I liked it. Except that there were some long hours that still seemed empty. And then, I was offered the opportunity to teach in the computer lab at the elementary school my daughters attended.

BOOM! Empty nest balance gone and the adjustment period was back. It didn't take me too long this time. I had no children at home so all I had to do, really, was go to school, teach, come home and spend time with my pup. If I wanted to eat, I would cook or just have leftovers. If I wanted to prepare meals on the weekend for the week, I would. If I wanted to garden, I did. What about the mister? Hey, I was working now too so he could do whatever he wanted to. His adjustment in finding balance was probably harder than mine. I found balance that was quite liberating.

Until two of the daughters moved back home.

Biggest BOOM of my life. The first one was only going to be here for one year at the most. She's in her second year. The second one just appeared about three months ago with no idea how long she will stay. The balance is evading me. I had gotten close until second daughter moved back. Now there is no semblance of balance to be found.

So far, balance is not hiding in the war zone that are their rooms. Rooms that I had just finished redecorating before they moved back in.

It's not hiding in the plethora of dirty dishes that sit in huge piles until I wash them.

It's not hiding in the disgusting filth of their bathroom that even I won't clean.

All is not hopeless, however. Because, every so often I do catch a glimmer of balance. I see it grin at me when we all realize that we have the same thing in common like hating it when the bottom of our feet itch.

Or how none of us cares about fine china or silver. Or when we fall into hysterics when we sound like we're all arguing but we're just being silly or mocking something from a movie. Or when I get the feeling of belonging that comes with being with two of the best people I know. The sense of comfort at belonging to this group of crazy girls.

I see it in the knowledge that we can be who we are and are loved anyway.

I even see it when I get flustered and call a Cadbury Cream Egg a Cradbury Cheese Wafer. And it makes Facebook. Sigh.

Yes. Sometimes balance is hard to find. But, if we look deep into the heart of our relationship with our children, no matter how old they are, we'll see it.

This is Day 2 of the A-Z Challenge!

Are Parents Ruining Everything? Part 1

Maybe. I've read two articles lately that have me thinking that parents may very well be ruining everything for their kids. Both articles are in the Boston Globe. I'll cover the first one in this post.

The article, How Parents Make Teachers Miserable was written by a 27 year old teacher who has no intentions of returning to the profession. Who can blame her? I was amazed at what some of her parents had to say to her during parent conferences.

Take a look:

"During my first parent-teacher conference, I had several parents simply yell at me for the duration of the meeting, enraged by their children’s grades. One mother said her child had never earned a grade as low as a B+ in any class and implied poor teaching must be to blame. Although the student ended up with similar grades the following term from other teachers, I had suffered the brunt of her anger.

I had parents rip grading rubrics out of my hand and tell me the grade their child actually deserved. Another parent questioned me on how English Language Arts was relevant to his daughter’s life. At this point I’d had it, and I told him it was probably the most important subject his daughter was taking. Knowing how to communicate effectively is vital in the world outside the classroom walls. Parents who forget that in their blind push for undeserved higher grades do their children a grave disservice."

Are you kidding me? When I was growing up, it was my responsibility to learn what my teachers were teaching. It was the same for the lovelies. Any time one of them received a grade less than what they were capable of getting, it wasn't that the teachers weren't teaching. It was because my lovely daughters weren't holding up their end of the deal. 

In all my years in school, I can recall only three teachers that probably should have considered a different profession. And, when considering my four daughters and all their teachers, the odds were not in favor of the teachers not teaching. I did the math once and I think it came to something like 67 DIFFERENT teachers throughout their k-12 years (they did have some of the same teachers) and, out of those (I know the number was in the 60s) there were only 4 whom I feel should not have been teachers. Considering that information, the failure to make a good grade fell on my kids NOT their teachers. 

Let's be real here. And honest. We would all love to believe that we have perfect children who are above average in every way possible--like at Lake Wobegon..Ha! The truth is, our kids are no more perfect than we, ourselves, are. People are not perfect. And that's ok. 

What's NOT ok is blaming someone else. How will the kids learn to accept responsibility for their failures? Or for falling short? How will they learn to pick themselves up and try again and again and again, if need be? It's rather difficult to pick oneself up when one hand is busy pointing a finger at someone else, don't you think? 

No wonder that poor girl has no intention of returning to teaching. I'm not sure I would either if I had to deal with that accusatory mentality. Of course, there's no way in hell I would teach above the elementary level either so... :)

Ok, what do y'all think about this?